


Taken for Granted

by KimieVII



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: AU, M/M, Parallel Universes, The main story takes place in a parallel universe and a different timeline from the original one, and I need a beta reader very very badly, canon story will be post destruction of Midgar by the meteor, fair warning, however both will be intertwined at some point, no mention of FFVII AC or Crisis Core or anything from the compilation except for original game, this fanfic is not beta-tested, this story can sill be heartbreaking, while there's no major character death in the parallel universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7126630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimieVII/pseuds/KimieVII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after leaving the Electric Company Shin-Ra's army and breaking up with his boyfriend, Cloud stumbles onto the latter in a bar. Turns out the guy has been fired from his last job and needs a place where to crash while searching for a new one. Grudgingly, Cloud accepts to let the man live with him but to only one condition : "you'll sleep on the couch."<br/>At the same time, weird dreams start haunting Cloud and slowly but surely make him question his reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It all started with a dream

**Author's Note:**

> ooh man, I haven't written a fanfiction in so so long.  
> This is an idea I had in mind for like... eight, nine years now? And I'm finally writting it down. Here's to hope I will -finish- this one.  
> This is an introduction and I'm in DESPERATE need of a beta reader. English isn't my first language and I know I still make tons of mistakes, reason why oh please, please, I need someone to beta-read this fanfic. Reason why this chapter is also so short and I couldn't do much more than an introduction. But I usually write chapters much, much longer than this, so this is an exception. Hopefully I'll get a beta-reader before the next one, but if I don't, I'll still write a lenghty chapter.
> 
> I dedicate this fanfiction to my dear friend Redfoxline. She has been supporting me for years and she's the sweetest friend. I promised her a dedication a long time ago, here it finally is! ♥

**It all started with a dream**

As much as he could tell, he was diving in utter and total darkness. Pressure all around him swiftly pushing him deeper and deeper in this neverending tunnel. 

His eyes were closed, this he was aware of. He tried to open them, but felt as if he wasn't in control of his body anymore. A crippling feeling of anxiety surrounded him at this very thought. He had to endure this timeless fall, knowing there was no way for him to escape it, no matter how hard he fought to gain his body back. 

That was when he felt something warm touching his eyelids. Unexpectedly, his eyes slowly opened. He still had no control, but he could see, and that alone made him feel a little less anxious. 

In front of him, he could see a light, far away, at the end of whatever it was he was falling into. 

The light was still miles away from him, still he wanted to reach it and he held his hand in front of him, but his fingers closed on nothing but heavy fluids of darkness. 

How strange, he thought. 

He had been falling incredibly fast, or so he thought. He wasn't able to control his body, but he could sense everything ten times better than ever. Darkness flowing against him at the speed of light, wrapping itself around as a cold veil sinking inside him to his bones. 

He couldn't tell how long he had been descending in this vast darkness exactly, but it felt like forever, and the light was still out of reach, until suddenly... 

 

"Hmm..."

 

As sleep evaporated softly behind his eyelids, Cloud straightened slowly in his bed and glanced at his alarm clock, on his right.

"Half past nine... ?"

The last time he had taken a look at the time, it was six in the morning, how could he sleep that long without even noticing ?

His eyes fell on the empty space by his side. Zack wasn't there... 

Still a bit groggy, and now more than ever confused, he slipped from under his sheets while picking up the shirt that laid on the floor. 

If Zack wasn't in his bed, he however quickly noticed that someone else was comfortably sleeping on top of it. Hazel, his cat, was peacefully sleeping at the bottom of his bed. 

As he put his shirt on, he walked to her and gave her a little stroke behind her ear. Then he grabbed his pants and slipped into them quickly, before heading to his bedroom door, slightly ajar...


	2. An unexpected reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still very sorry if my english sounds really weird or for the many mistakes I didn't spot or didn't notice. I lack vocabulary, and I'm still in terrible need of a beta-reader ;;  
> Thanks for reading and criticism is more than welcomed!

_Four months earlier..._

**be.be.beeep**

**be.be.beeep**

**be.be.be-**

"… Yeah ?"

"Cloud! Are you free tonight ?"

"I already told you, I'm not interested. I'm hanging up."

"Wait, Clou-"

 

The young man closed his phone and shoved it into his pocket before bringing back his attention to the counter on which he was leaning. Behind it, a lovely brunette was wiping a few glasses with a cloth and carefully put them down on a small cupboard behind her. She let an inquiring look fall on the slouched figure in front of her, then asked, out of curiosity.

 

"Who was that ?"

"A jerk."

"Woah, you look just fine tonight. Do you want something ?" She offered, noticing the man clearly needed a tonic.

"Yeah, please."

"What can I give you?"

"Something strong..."

"Did you have a rough day ?" She attempted while filling up a glass for the one whose replies were falling like cannonballs on the edge of her counter.

The long sigh that filled up the air as a reply was more than enough eloquent and she nipped at her bottom lip out of fear that she pushed the conversation a bit too far with that friend that she knew well enough for not liking idle conversation. 

"Few items to deliver ?" She asked nonetheless, unable to contain her curiosity for the life, however banal that lived this old friend she still was meeting almost daily. 

 

Maybe her job as a barmaid stayed anyway the only tie that made them able to keep in touch. Most specifically after an exhausting day, the man often came to her bar to drink a few glasses, to chat about everything and nothing even if it was mostly the woman that kept the conversation going. After all, she knew he needed a social life and simple contact, that he needed this mere presence that brought him something to listen and to reply to. Sometimes, she even wondered if it wasn't to just listen to her and get her to ask him questions about his life that he was coming there. Reason why she was maintaining as long as possible a semblance of a conversation with him, until he seemed too tired to reply or until he decided it was time for him to head back home, his daily dose of social life met. It was a chance that she was genuinely interested in his day-to-day life, without which it would have been hard for her to stand up in front of such the wall he was at times.

 

"Oh yeah, but... If only it was the only thing.", he answered with an annoyed sigh.

 

When the glass he asked for hit with a small « tac » the wood, he raised his head, almost surprised to see this order he had nearly forgotten about.

 

"Thanks, Tifa." 

 

He held his hand towards the transparent container, inside which two translucent cubes were swirling at the surface of a plum, slightly golden liquor. He let his eyes fall on the inside of the glass and looked through it, as if he was looking for his face in the liquid mirror.

However, as he was finally going to bring the edge of the glass to his lips, his attention was one more time diverted of his first concern.

 

"Good evening !" Tifa chirped as she looked at the couple who just entered the small bar.

 

Cloud turned around a little, out of mere curiosity to take a look at the two people who just walked in the place, and was turned into a stone. He almost let his glass fall from his hand when his heart, that had forgotten what was restraint and pace collided harshly with his thorax, knocking him out for a second. 

On the far back of the place, in front of the bar's door, an oh too well known figure of a young man, just a few years older than he was, with sharp strands of dark, jay hair, was standing close to the threshold with a lovely young lady hanging at his arm.

Oh, how pretty this woman who was jiggling in a light pink dress, laughing happily at the arm of the man. 

Behind a few chestnut curls that were falling graciously on her forehead, her cheeks and her youthful neck was a laughing face. Her hair was flowing in a lovely way on her shoulders and her back, and she looked absolutely dashing.

When the new comer's eyes fell on Cloud, his pleasant smile flew away instantly, replaced by an embarrassed face upon an encounter he obviously had not expected. 

 

"Hm, it wasn't here that I wanted to bring you it seems. Let's go, Aerith, we're going somewhere else." started the man as he turned around to walk towards the door, worried about the reaction of the guy sat at the other end of the bar. If an argument had to happen, he didn't want it to take place in front of the lady.

"Are you sure ? But you told me this bar was a nice place", she asked, surprised by this sudden change of mood.

"This is the wrong place."

"Cloud... ?" The barmaid started to worry as she noticed the young man was shaking rather strongly after having put down the drink, he still had not tasted, with a snap on the counter. 

 

Without a word, he suddenly stood up and before the duet could get through the door, they were passed by a tuft of blond hair which zoomed in front of them and exited the bar. 

The other man tried to reach with his arm, attempting to hold back the person he had eye-contact with only a few seconds before. 

 

"Ah ! Cloud, wai-"

 

But before he could finish his sentence, the young man had already grabbed the handle and crossed the threshold of the bar. He slammed the door behind him and got away from the place at a fast pace. Eyes full of question marks, the young lady with chestnut hair looked up at his friend, as if questioning him silently.

 

"Zack, do you know him ?"

 

Damn job, damn day, damn rainy autumn, damn cellphone which was ringing only to invite him to dinner by the same damn person and goddamn bar where it was the last place he could have expected to meet an old, long lost ex-boyfriend that he had never really managed to get out of his damn mind. He would have much widely prefered to never again see these eyes and this smile and there these two things were, back to taunt him inside his quiet place. In the company of a beautiful lady, to add some irony to this cruel encounter. But of course, he had been stupid. After all these years, Zack had moved on. He was the only one who had not. But now... Seeing this person again, after so many years, it was like a stab in wounds that had never really healed. 

 _________________________ 

Letting his head fall heavily on his pillow, Cloud tried to think of something else, to divert his mind as long as it wasn't directed to the man that was torturing him again now. But nothing worked, he knew he had never really managed to forget him, despite his desperate efforts. Even thinking of the items he had to bring this week to the shopkeeper he was working for did not succeed to drive away the image of the ex-SOLDIER from his thoughts. How long had it been since he hadn't heard and get any news from this bastard by the way... ? Five years, something like this, if he recalled correctly. Yes, it was probably something like this, since he had left Shin-Ra when he was sixteen...

In the end, one thing leading to another as he was torturing his mind, unable to divert it from the man he had seen earlier during the day, he eventually fell asleep. There was no doubt he would get bags under his eyes the day after. 

_________________________

"And that's the last ether I needed", he said to himself with a small sigh of exhaustion as he used an old rag to wipe his sword, dirty with the blood of all the monsters he had killed during the day.

 

He was about to climb on his motorbike when a ringing from his pocket caught his attention and startled him a bit. Grabbing his small PHS, Cloud looked at the information that were displayed on the screen as the phone kept singing in his hand. Unexpectedly, when he thought he was going to see the same annoying name on the screen, he was surprised for a second to note that the indentity of the person that was trying to get to him was very different.

 

"Tifa ?"

"Oh hey, Cloud. Are you free right now ?" She asked, clearly about to ask something from him. A favor, maybe ?

"Yeah," Cloud replied, unsure about what was coming for him after replying affirmatively to this question.

"Well then, would it bother you to stop by the bar this evening ?" She asked, hesitation clearly audible in a voice that had become slightly weaker.

 

Cloud took the time to think about it for a while, before answering. As he knew already, Tifa was obviously not asking for a romantic dinner. There had to be a good reason if she was the one requesting him to come over this night, he just couldn't think of any...  
Finally, he chose to accept the invitation. He wanted to know what was this all about and he couldn't deny that he needed some distraction lately. Since his sudden encounter with Zack, the man was keeping wandering in a corner of his mind and as a result, he desperately needed to think of something else. Chatting a bit with Tifa about what she wanted would be the best remedy left for him, even though he was a bit reluctant about coming back to the bar after what had happened the last time he did so. It was in this bar that he had accidently seen this familiar face again after all, and fate could be playing with him and would give him the bad surprise to be meeting those dark hair and lovely smile again, since it seemed Zack was also a regular now. 

 

"All right." He finally decided and thought hearing a small sigh of relief through the receiver. 

 

As he hung up, he decided to go right away to the bar, since it wasn't far away from the place where he was gathering ethers and potions from monters' bodies. 

_________________________

He was just pushing the door of the place, inside of which only a few patrons were drinking and chatting at this time of the day, when the sight that was taking great pleasure to be reccuring inside his mind these days, petrified him. The large figure of a man with broad shoulders upon which was raining ink-like sharp strands of hair was a few feet away from him again. 

 

"Odin, what did I ever do to you ?" he whispered for himself as he rolled his eyes. The mere sight of the silhouette leaning at the bar's counter was more than enough to make him feel like fate was making fun of him. Well, if it was, fate had a damn great time right now, then. 

"Ah ! Cloud ! " Tifa greeted him and as if awakened from a dream, Cloud turned his look towards the young woman. 

 

Zack instantly reacted to the call of this name as well, and before giving Cloud the time to gather his thought, he sprang from his seat. But Cloud, unfreezed, was already turning on his heels to exit the place as quick as possible.

"Tifa, you traitor", he thought loud enough for the barmaid to read his mind. He just wanted some quiet time to distract himself from his ex after a long day and as a result, she had set a trap for him and had shoved just under his nose everything he was trying to forget about.

He felt a hurried movement following him outside. Zack was probably running after him, trying to catch up with him, but it was out of question for Cloud to face him ever again.

Just after leaving the bar, he started running towards his bike, but the steps that were following him were quicker than his and soon enough, his arm was grabbed by a hand as a voice was begging for him to stop fleeing.

 

"Cloud, wait, please !"

 

Instead of doing just what he was asked to, Cloud tried to get away from the hand that was clutched on his arm, but Zack was holding firm.

 

"Cloud, at least listen to me ! Please..."

 

Slightly calmed down, Cloud muttered :

 

"If you have something to tell me, then tell me now."

"Could... we come back inside ? So we could chat a bit...", he offered instead of replying to Cloud's request.

"... As you wish."

 

Both sat at a small table, Zack had initiated the conversation with his ex-partner, but the discussion was slow to take off. The ex-SOLDIER's quetions were hesitants and Cloud's replies, rather cold, which was only natural after so many years without seeing each other.

 

"I asked Tifa a few questions about you... She said you were working for a shopkeeper now, as a supplier. Potions, ethers, materias, accessories... Stuff like that, right ? I can't say I'm surprised, you have always been good at spotting items and extracting magic from monsters..."

"I can't say I like my job very much. I'm doing the exact same thing every damn day. Killing monsters over and over and over for a few gils. I'm tired of this... I'm doing it because it was the only thing I thought I was good at, and it was the only thing I knew how to do after leaving the military... But thanks for getting news since..."

 

Cloud stopped speaking abruptly.

 

"A while..." He finished in a whisper.

 

Zack put a hand under his chin, looking at him with skeptical eyes. He was wondering... Clearly Cloud did not want to evoke the time the two of them had been in a relationship. But why ? Was he ashamed of this time ? Was he trying to make it seems as if it just never happened and that no love ever existed between the two of them before ? It was an attitude and unsaid words that hurt him to admit, but he could easily understand why he was acting that way, so he respected Cloud's choice and didn't mention any of that time himself. 

 

"I tried to give you some news, you know... I looked for you as well, but I had no clue where you were and no idea where to look for... Nothing to lead me, no phone number, no adress... Nothing... For a while, I was looking in directories in the hope of coming across your name, but I didn't find it there either." He tried to justify himself for his long silence, "You didn't try to reach me either..." He added, with a lower voice.

"I know..." Cloud murmured again and Zack thought discerning remorse in this late confession.

"What about you ? What are you up to?" Cloud asked, trying to maintain the discussion despite the sad atmosphere surrounding them now.

Zack bit his lip at this sudden question. Looking down the same way a guilty dog lower its ears, he breathed softly :

"Well... Actually, that's the main reason why I wanted to talk with you... I was fired from my last job recently and since I was living in an accomodation provided by my job, I'm looking for a place where to crash... So... I was wondering... " 

 

Zack started rubbing the back of his neck madly. He couldn't resolve to ask this looking straight in Cloud's eyes. He was already ashamed of himself for doing such a thing, begging like this the young man after so many years of silence from both side, he was feeling like a jerk who only comes back to old friends when in needs. Just to imagine that Cloud could think of him like this was making him feel sick with himself. He was feeling so bad, and it was definitively the worst situation he ever lived in his whole life. But he needed Cloud's help, even if it meant begging, depending on him, being at his service, anything as long as he was willing to offer his help, one more time... So he went on, sucking even harder on his lip, his eyes looking at an imaginary spot on his left :

 

"I was wondering... If you would... let me live with you... Just the time to get back on my feet... Tifa said you were living alone..."

 

What he was fearing the most : Cloud's silence as a reply to his supplication. And that was exactly what he was facing now, which resulted in making him crouch even more in his seat, absolutely convinced that he was a wretch and that Cloud was once and for all disgusted with him and his behaviour. But as he looked up, he saw that he was only looking at him with quite big, round eyes, unable to speak under the astonishment that unexpected request had raised within him. 

 

"You must think I'm a huge jerk, right... ?" Zack smiled shamefully despite himself, now absolutely certain Cloud was about to turn him down.

"Yeah, well, you are a huge jerk, that's a fact. But..." Cloud's voice oddly went softer in comparison to the glacial tone that was coating each of the previous words exchanged with the man. "But right now, I'm just... surprised... I didn't know you were jobless..." It was his turn to let his look fall at his side. "I just don't understand, why don't you stay with you girlfriend."

"Girlfriend ?"

"That girl you were with the other day, when I saw you."

"Oh, you mean Aerith ? Oh actually I'm crashing at her place at the moment, but..."

 

New prickles inside of Cloud's chest. So he was right, Zack was only asking him a favor because he knew he was the only guy whose weakness was that he never knew how to say no to him. He was turning to him out of the pretext that they were old friends, and used to be more than that... Was that right ? Cloud felt... disappointed. And felt like a fool for believing even for a few seconds that Zack just sincerely wanted to stay with him. If he had not being in a sticky situation, he would have never asked him any of that or even try to speak with him again in the first place. He would have forgotten about him a long time ago. Yeah, he was a jerk. A big, an enormous, a monumental one, a... He was out of words to qualify just what kind of jerk Zack was, but he had a very good idea just how big his urge to fling his cup of coffee at his face was. However, Zack kept speaking and Cloud quickly realized he knew only half of the story. Zack's face was safe. … For now.

 

"... her mother is getting old and tired and... I really cannot allow myself to stay there. Even if she insisted for me to stay, I feel like a burden. I don't want to impose myself and bother this precious friend and her mother any longer..." He explained

 

Cloud wasn't certain he had registered any of the last bits of information that just escaped Zack's mouth. Noticing his friend's stunned face, Zack ventured :

 

"Hm... Cloud ?"

"Are you telling me that... This girl is not your girlfriend ?"He asked, confused to say the least.

 

Zack couldn't help but smile widely. Cloud's genuine question had awaken his affection for him. Truly, there was only this old dear friend to make such hasty judgments in his mind. Judgments that were way too often taking the more complex and torturing paths. Well, he wasn't entirely wrong, he could give him that.

 

"She had been my girlfriend, a long time ago. It didn't really work between us. Probably because, when we started dating, we were still acting like two friends, unable to get more intimate than a few kisses. So, by mutual agreement, we broke up and decided to stay mere, good friends. It felt just right like this." He enlightened him.

 

Cloud realized then how wrong he once more had been, always taking the scenario the most painful for him. 

 

"What about your other friends ? I can't be the only one that can help you with this situation, am I ?"

 

Zack sighed heavily.

 

"I knew you wouldn't want to. Not after all these years... I'm sorry I requested such a thing from you, I will find another way. I always manage to get out of troubles after all, don't I ?" 

He once again apologized and started leaving when Cloud stood up abruptly and slammed his hands on the table, which startled the other man. He looked at him with astonishment.

 

"How long ?"

"Huh ? Oh... A few weeks, or months, depends, I guess..." He rubbed the back of his neck once more.

"All right for a few months then. But I'm warning you, I've got only one bed, so you'll have to sleep on the couch."

 

Zack beamed, and if the ice of this awkward reunion was not still lingering between them, he would probably have hugged his friend warmly to thank him. Instead of doing so, he settled for a simple, but genuine « thank you », slipping from his lips, curved out of gratitude.

_________________________

 

Zack was supposed to move in three days later, during the weekend. Cloud wasn't hiding how nervous he was about all this, walking round and round in his living room. He tried to rationalize, but it seemed he couldn't think clearly. His mind was a mess of thoughts that were floating in every directions and he couldn't grab just one to begin with. 

He had taken the habit to live alone inside his small appartment, and now his ex-boyfriend, that had never really left his mind in five years, was moving in. That was a lot to stomach in so little time, and was more than enough to agitate him. He was sincerely hoping that Zack wasn't going to be too troublesome, and his presence too intrusive, but the latter had promised to lay low and to never disturb him, which had reassured Cloud a little. 

The time they had agreed to meet each other at Cloud's home was already passed of a good hour, and Zack still had'nt arrived. He hadn't even had the chance to get a good night sleep to recover, too preoccupied by the arrival of his ex, and by extension, did not stop being busy all morning and a good part of the afternoon to receive him in an absolutely perfect, cleaned and neatly tidy flat, and now, the responsible of all this trouble wasn't even on time. 

Cloud eventually stopped walking and took a deep breath. Why was he worked up by all this ? Zack was only going to put his stuff down and then, they would live their respective lives, and in a few months, or even a few weeks, he would be gone, end of the story. Yet, he couldn't stop feeling nervous, and freeze when a ringing vibrated in his apartment. Breathing out slowly one more time, Cloud walked to the intercom.

 

"Yeah ?"

"Hey... I'm down here..." The familiar voice could be heard through the small device.

"Wait, I'm opening the door for you."

"Thanks."

 

The slight resonant echo of an unlocking door could be heard, and a few minutes later, there was a knock on his door. Cloud opened it, and a brief awkward nod was exchanged between them, instead of embracing each other like they used to, a long time ago. Then, Zack was welcomed inside and got to discover the place where his friend had been living these last few years. 

 

The flat was bigger than he had thought. The entrance door was opening on a spacious living room dressed with beige wallpapers. A white sofa was facing a small television placed on a coffee table upon which many books were piled up, and the floor was made of a light wood covering the entirely of the room, matching the color of the walls, though it was a small shade lighter. 

On his right was a bar-like kitchen, open towards the living room, giving this one a warmly aspect, and in front of the kitchen was a small round table along with three chairs. Cloud clearly had wanted to arrange this place up as to all the colors and furnitures matched together, as well as the room had been so carefully tidy up that it did not look natural. Zack was started to feel as if he had just stepped inside one of these rooms you only see in magazines.

At the far end of his right was a wall with three doors. Cloud informed him that the first one was leading to his bedroom, while the two others were for a closet and the bathroom. 

The whole thing seemed really cozy and Zack gave a little whistle of admiration as he walked a bit further inside.

 

"You never told me you were so meticulous. And that's quite a big place !" He teased him a bit.

"It's not that big."

 

Zack sighed softly. The ice wall that was still between them after they went their separate ways wasn't going to melt so easily. He knew that, yet he still had his hopes up. 

 

"Is that all you've got ?" Cloud wondered when he noted that the only thing Zack had brought with him was only a small suitcase. 

"Oh, yeah... I sold the other stuff. But I've got everything I need in there." 

A meow could be heard suddenly and Zack instinctively turned his look towards the graceful and slim furry ball that just showed up from Cloud's bedroom. Astonished, he looked as the cat rubbed his head against the legs of his owner with a slight purring. The latter bent down to give a small pat on the head of the delighted cat. Zack bent down himself with a smile as he reached for the lovely brown fur that immediately ran away before the other man's hand could touch it.

"Oh, you've got a cat ? He's really pretty" He said, surprised to find out that Cloud had a pet.

"She. It's a female." Cloud corrected.

"Ah ? Sorry... What's her name ?"

"Hazel."

"That's lovely ! How long have you got her ?" 

 

Zack was so thrilled as he watched the cat that was now stretching before jumping on the sofa.

 

"It's been around a year now. I was coming back home, and I heard a kitten meowing under the rain, in a box, so I took her with me. I tried to find if someone was looking for her, bit it seems she had been abandonned... So I kept her." He explained. "I don't know how she'll react to your presence, though. It has always been just I and her here, and she's very wary of strangers."

"I'm certain she will like me very soon!" 

"Oh, good luck with that." 

Cloud laughed a bit, but soon, they both kept standing in front of his door, not knowing what to say or do. The awkwardness between them was still there, so Zack tried, as he always did, to break this heavy silence.

 

"Thanks, by the way... For accepting to let me live here..." 

"... I didn't have any reason to turn you down... It's not like we're going to live like we..."

 

Once again, Cloud abruptly stopped himself, unable to end what he was about to say.

 

"Like... ? "

"Nothing... Forget about it..."

Zack then made a mental note that what he had feared was confirmed : Cloud definitely didn't want to bring the time they had been together and pretend it simply never existed, and probably wanted to erase it from his memory. He felt his heart squeeze in his chest at this thought.

Once more, a cold silence was back between the two of them and Cloud obviously was not decided to put an end to it, so Zack tried to think of another subject to warm up the atmosphere.

 

"It's getting late... Allow me to cook something for you ?"

 

After all, the young man had not dictate any rules yet, nor any indications how both of them were going to live in his home. He didn't say a thing about how he wanted Zack to behave during his stay, besides keeping it quiet and above all things, that he strictly wasn't allowed inside his bedroom. Not a foot, not even one of his hairs could cross this door. It was, after all, the only intimate and private place he wanted to keep, to be alone as much as he needed to. Which usually meant a long time. It was the one and only strict rule he had given him. But beside that, he still didn't know what he could or could not do in the daily life of the young man.

 

"Hm. Go ahead." Cloud answered, walking towards the kitchen's cupboards above the counters in order to set the table."Oh by the way... Since we're going to share meals from now on, you can dig into my savings to buy whatever you need, for food I mean."

 

With a grin, Zack walked in to meet the place where he was going to practice his talents as a cook. He quickly found the fridge and buried his nose inside, only to get it out two seconds later, frustrated.

 

"Oh for Ramuh's sake, Cloud... You've got only snacks and pizzas in there !"

 

Cloud grumbled and Zack sighed, amused. Cloud didn't change at all, but he was worried for him. He hadn't taken much care of himself since he left the military, judging by the inside of his fridge.

 

"At least, learn to cook... It's important to have healthy meals, you know... Ok, so let's check the cupboards !"

 

He looked into a few different ones, trying to get a better idea how Cloud had organised his kitchen, before finding the ones that contained some food. Noodles, rice, noodles, rice, noodles, noodles, chips, cookies, coffee and tins, that wasn't going to help him...Cloud had alimentary habits and the supplies diversification of a student. But he couldn't get mad at him, he knew he had never been really good at cooking, and it wasn't exactly one of his hobbies either. But because of that, he had terribly neglected his health. In a way, Zack smiled when he thought that his presence there would be useful for one thing, at least.

 

"Hm, say... Tell me you've got vegetables at least ? Any kind, really."

"Look at the bottom of the fridge, inside the drawer."

 

Zack followed the indications and his hopes were reborn when he found some carrots and tomatoes at the far bottom of the fridge. Satisfied, he took a few of his finds and started looking for the ustensils he needed to make what he had in mind now that he had quickly scanned all the ingredients he could use. Which wasn't much. 

Soon, he familiarized himself with that corner of the flat and knew the place like the back of his hand. After a meticulous look inside every cupboards and other drawers, he had gathered all the things he needed and Cloud, way too much of a disaster in this field to be able to help Zack, despite how much he insisted, found himself banished from his own kitchen. The place had become his private site and he didn't want anyone to penetrate it while he was cooking. Cloud was therefore sat in his sofa, reading a book while he was patiently waiting for Zack to finish.

 

"So, Risotto tonight !" The latter eventually called after a little while.

 

"If you don't mind, I'll take care of the groceries for you... You don't really have the time for this with your work.. And this way, I could cook for you, if you'd like..." He offered.

 

Cloud shrugged, he did not mind at all, quite the contrary actually.

 

"If you want to."

 

No matter what could be thought, it was already a great victory for Zack. He would take care of cooking nice meals for Cloud, and by extension, would get him to live a a respectable lifestyle again. This way, he hoped the ice between them would probably melt as well, as long as he would stay there. He was already more than pleasantly surprised that Cloud accepted to let him live with him. 

The last of the dinner happened in total silence, though. Even though the two men probably had hundreds of things to say to each other after five years, the feeling of abandonment was way too present and, aware of it, Zack didn't try to make small talk. Nevertheless, his first efforts to make a tiny step towards friendship with his ex boyfriend were not vain. And even if it looked like a small grumble, Cloud complimented him about his cooking. Zack bloated with pride upon hearing this. His friend was indeed acknowledging that he hadn't lost his talents as a cook, and to be perfectly honest with himself, he didn't get such a nice meal during those five long years...


	3. Not quite melting

**tututu.tu.tuu**

**tututu.tu.tuu**

**tututu.tu.tu-t**

_Lucky you, you just reached Zack Fair's voice mail. Sadly, I'm a busy man, unavailable right now. Don't be sad, you can still leave a message for me !. Logically, you have to wait for the « beep »._

_**Beep.** _

_Hello, Zack. It's Tifa. Can you stop by the bar today?I need to talk with you..._

_________________________

A little tickling against his forefinger disturbed him in his sleep. It was soft, but at the same time, somehow a bit rasping and wet. The feeling became more and more noticeable and in the end, Zack opened one eye with a small groan, now completely dragged out of his sleep.

He lowered his head in the direction of what was keeping licking his finger and found Hazel, Cloud's small kitty, that was now rubbing her cheek against the unknown skin. 

Zack smiled and, straightening up a bit in the sofa on which he had slept, reached with his hand as he tried to stroke the light, bright fur. The cat instantly backed up when she felt movement above her head, and understood that what she had taken for an innoffensive, motionless curiosity, was something that could actually move. Slightly disappointed, Zack stood up nonetheless and took a look behind his back. Leftovers of a breakfast remained on the table and he concluded that Cloud had probably woken up and left already. 

He grabbed his sweater, his phone and the belt of his pants, all laid on one arm of the sofa, and put them back on at their respective places. 

A quick look to his phone confirmed that Cloud had indeed left the apartment a while ago and was probably somewhere on the fields, slaying monsters right now. It was nearly half past nine already. Without a job, it was hard for him to keep track of the time, and as days passed, he had started oversleeping without really noticing at first, even when the bed given to him was a sofa. 

He couldn't help but let out a sigh. He would have liked to speak a bit with Cloud before he had to leave for his job. It was too late now. He would have to wait until the evening. 

Once again, his attention was brought back on the cat that apparently had found one of his shoelaces, and found these were definitely, irresistibly tempting. 

As she leaped savagely on her prey, her teeth shut victoriously on the poor tie. This one probably had no chance in front such a dreadful opponent that was now on its back, pulling the thread between its paws, lacerating it with its claws and chewing it between its small teeth.

Amused by the battle between the cat and his shoelace, Zack bent down a bit towards the animal and tried again to pet her. But as soon as his hand hovered above her, Hazel backed up precipitately, though a bit less further from the man this time. She was still curious about this stranger and what he wanted exactly. Summoning his patience, Zack crouched down and called, softly :

 

"Hazel, come here sweetie. Say hi to uncle Zack."

 

Even though he had given her one of his prettiest smiles, the cat was still wary, examining the stranger's deep blue eyes. Zack hovered his hand once more above the small pointed ears, but Hazel backed up once more, finding shelter behind the sofa.

 

"Damn it. You're as wild as your owner, kitty !" 

 

He laughed kindly as he couldn't help but notice the analogy between the pretty brown cat and his friend. 

Small whiskers, one pair of light green eyes and a pink muzzle peeped out from behind the couch then. The adorable little head peered at him from afar, ears outstretched out of curiosity. 

 

"Hey." Zack greeted again.

 

Standing up with an idea in mind, he walked to the table upon which Cloud had left a bottle of milk , and tipped a few drops in the bowl his friend had put on the table for him before soaking his forefinger inside the liquid. His finger now moistened with milk, he held out his hand again towards the cat that had come closer, curious. 

Patiently waiting to see if the cat would come any further, Zack kept calling for her softly. Finally, prompted by the will to know what was that hand held out in her direction, Hazel took a few steps ahead and stopped again, a few feet away from him. She approached and eventually stood very close to him with each small steps she had taken further and further towards him. Zack's efforts were rewarded when she se relished of the milk dropping from his finger.  
Greedily licking it, she even almost started shredding the skin when there wasn't any milk left on it.

Smiling, Zack tried to renew his attempt at petting her. Surprised at first and retreating again from the gesture, however soft, Hazel eventually let the man pet her head slightly when he reached one more time. Encouraged by this first victory, Zack retrieved his shoelace and waved it above her head, hoping to make her play with it. It was another victory for him for the reaction had been immediate. Now on her back, she was lifting up her paws to catch the tempting thread that was fleeing out of her reach when her claws were about to get it.

Laughing heartily as he teased the animal, Zack eventually let her reach his shoelace, which was immediately brought to her mouth. He took advantage of this off-guard moment to tickle her belly.

Very bad idea.

 _Tearing one end of your shoelace is not enough to momentarily dull one cat's focus, you dumbass,_ his lacerated fingers were reproaching him, for the kitten had pulled out her weapons as soon as she had felt her paunch being assaulted. 

She quickly got back on her four and very soon found a quiet place far away from the man. No fools could touch her that way. 

Zack let the cat have her fun with the shoelace that she had taken with her as she had fled earlier, and walked to the kitchen table. It seemed that getting Cloud's companion to trust him would be hard work, just like it was going to be for her owner himself. 

 

Cloud had left for him some coffee, a bottle of milk, a few buns and pretzels, some butter and marmalade and he found himself smiling at the food set in front of him.

 

"Nibelheim's typical breakfast, huh?"

 

Unused to eat sweet food in the morning, he only took a cup of coffee and opened the microwave to warm up the already cold drink. After quickly gulping his breakfast, he cleared the table and washed the dishes. As he was doing so, he wondered what he was going to do during the day besides job hunting. He sadly didn't have much to do inside Cloud's apartment, so he thought about hitting the town and looking up for some job offers to find a way to get some money so he could start his big project soon. 

He hadn't talked to Cloud about it, but he had an old wish that he hoped to make happen quickly. But in order to do that, he first needed to save some money. He also remembered he needed to go grocery shopping today, as he had promised Cloud the night before. Moreover, he noticed that Cloud had also left a small envelope with some money inside. With those, he was hoping he could cook a decent meal for the evening.

When he got ready to leave, Zack noticed someone had called him earlier in the morning, and left a message for him. Bringing the phone to his ear, he listened to it. 

_________________________

 

The door was shut down and a tuft of blond hair fell heavily on the sofa as well as the tired body of the man who didn't restrain a loud, deep sigh of weariness.

 

"Ah Cloud ! How did the day go ?" Zack greeted him from the kitchen, bustling above the stoves.

 

Cloud was startled when he heard the voice inside his home. He was so used to live alone that hearing someone calling his name would have scared the hell out of him if he had not recognized Zack's voice instantly. 

As he retrieved a more appropriate position now that he knew the other man was there, he grumbled a bit against himself. The man would never leave his mind when he wasn't around, but he was forgetting him as soon as he was in his own home. What was logic again ?

Instead of replying, he let himself led by the delicious smell that was escaping the kitchen to perfume the living room. He stopped next to Zack and took a look at what was simmering inside the pans.

 

"What have you done for dinner ?" He asked, exhaustion clear in his voice.

 

"A specialty from Gongaga! Not telling you any more, you'll find out soon enough."

 

Zack winked at him and Cloud couldn't help but smile in return. Zack's smile had always been contagious, he could never resist it nor his good mood, even if his pride was telling him to be stronger than that and remember what the man had done to him in the past. 

He didn't press him any more, though, already more than enough grateful that he was taking care of the food, even if he knew very well that it was one of his whims and certainly not a chore for him.

As far as he could recall, Zack had always loved to cook, for him especially. He had always loved acting like a mother hen with him, much to his chagrin. Or maybe it was because he liked to cook for the person he loved... ? Cloud wasn't sure, but remembering that time made his good mood fall again, and he left the kitchen quickly, afraid Zack would notice. Fortunately, the man was too busy with his pans to pay attention to him. 

Hazel came to rub her head against Cloud's legs, so he took her in his arms and she let the man pet her as she purred loudly with delight.

 

"How was your day ?" Zack asked, from the kitchen.

"Not... bad ? I guess. Just... exhausting."

"Lots of work tomorrow as well ?"

"Hm."

 

Cloud could hear a long sigh and he shrugged.

 

"Just routine."

"Got a break soon ?"

" … Why ?" 

 

Zack nipped at his bottom lip. He didn't want to be too obvious about willing to spend more time with him, he was still afraid Cloud's reaction would be a negative one. He knew being friends with him again was going to take some time. But at the same, that was the reason why he wanted to spend more time with his ex-partner. Trying to be less obvious, he changed the subject.

 

"Just wanted to know... Wanna meet Aerith one of these days... ?"

"Odin's day "

"Huh ?"

"I'll have one week break for Odin's day." Cloud answered to his previous question, completely ignoring the second one.

"What the hell is Odin's day?"

"A... day for Odin?" 

"Okay... ?" 

"It's a holiday in Nibelheim, in honor of Odin, around the end of December."

 

The end of December ? Zack was disappointed, they were only early October, which meant he would have to wait around three months before he could try and spend more time with him. And by that time, he had hoped he would have find a new job. It meant that when Cloud was going to get free time, he, on the other hand, would not. But to say the truth, he couldn't deny he wasn't surprised by this answer. There was literally no reason for Cloud to be free before that time of the year after all.

 

"Dinner's ready..." He eventually called, equipping his hands with mitts to get the burning dish out of the oven. 

 

He then walked toward the table that he had already set earlier in the evening and sat as Cloud eyed with a wary look at the mixture of... he didn't exactly know what, that Zack had brought back from his kitchen's innards. 

Zack noticed his confused look and thought he had to reassure him a little.

 

"It's gongagan grilled fish and various vegetables stewed in coconut milk . Ah, and there's some rice to go with it. »

"Okay." Cloud answered as Zack filled his plate.

Rather anxious, he was waiting apprehensively for him to take a first bite and give his thought about it. It wasn't the first time he was cooking a Gongaga's specialty, but it was the first time he was serving this specific meal to Cloud, and he was sincerely hoping he was going to like it. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to hide his chagrin.  
He was very bitter about his lack of knowledge when it came to Nibelheim's specialties, otherwise, he would have been able to prepare something that he was certain Cloud would not only like but also make him happy. 

To his relief, though, the young man didn't seem to dislike his cooking and even ate everything until the last bits. 

 

"Did you like it?" He asked nonetheless, just to be sure... Maybe Cloud was just being polite after all.

"Yeah. ... Thanks by the way... for cooking. It makes me happy." Cloud smiled genuinely and Zack's heart squeezed in his chest. He always had had a weakness for his smiles. 

 

Cloud stood up, ready to clear the table but Zack stopped him.

 

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it. You should get to bed, you look exhausted."

"... Thanks."

 

Cloud put his plate and his fork down in the sink nonetheless, and left the task of washing the dishes to Zack's care. As he was heading towards his bedroom, he turned around and watched Zack busy with the dishes. 

For a second, he wanted to thank him again, but his words stayed stuck in his throats and dissipated right away. It wasn't that he didn't want to show his gratitude but it mortified him to thank and be grateful to the exact same person that had made him suffered in the past. After all, he was the one helping him and welcoming him inside his home, it was the least he could do to help him in return. He owed him, he had to pay his debt one way or another. And If he hadn't showed goodness of heart, he would have stayed in a sticky situation. So, he didn't have to thank him when it was perfectly normal for the man to take care of the chores. This had absolutely nothing to do with some sort of apprehension for being seen as depending on him again, or betraying so called feelings. It certainly wasn't a single residue of love for him that made him accept to accomodate him. 

Cloud suddenly realized he had stayed standing in front of his door, lost in his thoughts as he was watching Zack, his hand still on the handle. He shook his head sharply and while the other man wasn't looking, too busy with the dishes, he retreated inside his bedroom as quickly as possible. 

As he sighed heavily, he let his thoughts wander once more, now that he was alone in the room. No, it couldn't be because he was still in love with him that he had accomodated him.. right ? Their story was... over. It had been a long time ago. But oh, who was he kidding. He knew perfectly well Zack had never really left his mind, ever. He didn't even know if the guy was taken at the moment, but even with the eventuality that he could be interested again, Cloud was firmly decided to show him that he was no sucker. He suffered too much because of him.

It was on this resolution punctuated with a determined nod that he headed to his bed and once under the blankets, couldn't stop turning over and over. What a fool he was to believe that Zack could still have feelings for him in the first place, he thought as he pulled the blanket up to his neck. If they had broken-u in the past, it was probably because Zack didn't really love him. But then again, the same could be said for him. Back then they were both young and fooling around. Cloud knew that perfectly well when they first started dating, yet it seemed he had actually fallen really hard for the man at some point. If he hadn't, he would have moved on since then. 

The day after they broke up, Cloud had learnt Zack had left the military without any warning. He hadn't left anything behind him besides a note, for him, on which he had only written "Forgive me, Cloud" . Cloud had been so confused then. Sure they had both agreed to break up, but he hadn't expected the man, his friend, to just disappear like that... Forgive him ? It was a bit too easy, Zack had really hurt him that day. It was on this painful memory that Cloud eventually fell asleep, and that night, he didn't sleep well. 

_________________________

"Hi..."

 

Zack was sipping his coffee, sat at the living room's table. He raised his head from the magazine he had bought the day before and returned the greeting to the one who was currently sporting small, sleepy eyes under a tuft of wisps-like hair that made him look like he had a straw bale instead of actual hair on his skull.

The young man wasn't exactly a morning person, and on top of that, he had atrociously slept. Because of no one particular, it went without saying. 

He pulled the back of one the chairs towards him and let himself drop heavily on the stiff seat.

In the simpliest, shortest and most effective way, he said « Coffee. Please. », with something that sounded like a mix between an half asleep midgarian's small groan and the wide sigh of a taciturn bachelor who wants his breakfast.

Zack smiled as he did as he was told. He took a mug and started to fill it up with what was left of the brownish liquid inside the coffee pot, before the nose of the young man had a painful meeting with his own table. It wasn't the first time in a while he had seen the younger man drowsing like this early in the morning and if he was going to stay there for a little while, it certainly wasn't the last. 

 

"Slept well ?" He asked however, just to be polite and in order to start a conversation that, hope is a beautiful thing, would not be summed up by one word from his old friend. 

"Grumpf."

 

Well, in a way this was answering his question. As he scratched the back of his skull, he emboldened himself, though. He couldn't postpone any longer the news he had to say to him the slightest bit.

 

"By the way, Cloud..."

 

Cloud kind of pulled out his nose from his mug and looked up at the face that was staring at him. 

 

"I didn't talk about it the other day because you looked tired, but... Tifa called me yesterday, told me to meet her at the Seventh Heaven where we spoke for a little while. She offered to let me work for her, just the time for me to... Cloud ?!"

 

Unfortunately, the young man had already choked on his drink when he had heard the news and was obviously unable to reply to reassure him. On the contrary, since he was fighting, coughing and patting his thorax to get his breath back and filling his lungs with air again. He eventually got his breath back, though his cheeks were still a bit red, but he was coughing more softly. 

He raised a small, strangled voice.

 

"You're working for Tifa ?" 

"Yeah. I mean, I'm only starting tonight, and... until I get a steady enough life."

 

Cloud was speechless.

 

"And when I will, I'll leave, don't worry, I won't bother you anymore then..." Zack added quickly as he whispered the last words. He was certain his sustained presence in his friend's apartment wasn't exactly wanted, and that he better had to reassure him about his intents, even though, deep down, he wasn't entirely honest with him and he knew it oh so well. 

 

"Whatever..." Cloud couldn't think of anything to say. It wasn't exactly for this reason that he had almost choked on coffee when he had heard the news, but since Zack had interpreted it this way, he would let him think he was right about that. 

 

"And... You're going to work every nights?" he asked again.

"Except on sundays. And I may be coming back pretty late..."

"Don't make any noise when you come home then" Cloud muttered, "... But what are you going to do exactly ?" He was starting to feel a bit sad, but he didn't know exactly why. Was it because Zack was already getting back some kind of independence which was foretelling a faster parting ? Or was it because it was Tifa who had contacted Zack and he didn't learn about it before then ? After all, he was the one who had accepted to accomodate Zack and the proud, selfish man he was, had already taken this role to heart. 

 

"Oh, a bit of everything ? ... Helping Tifa, serving drinks, tidying and cleaning, give the place some ambiance, stuff like that..." 

"I see..." Cloud said with a lifeless voice.

 

To be honest with himself, he didn't really care about what he was going to do at the bar and he cursed the moment he realized that the thought of not being able to see Zack during daytime because he was working during this time, but in the evening as well because this time around, it was Zack who would be working for Tifa, had painfully made his heart squeeze in his chest. He was going to miss him and on top of that, Tifa was a superb woman and Zack had always liked superb women. Maybe it was better this way, though. He would have some peace and quiet when he would get back home in the evening, like it had always been. Like... always...

Since he looked like he had lost his tongue, Zack started to feel a bit uneasy himself. He had not thought that this news would have had such an effect on the young man. And if there was a reason behind this behaviour, he had no idea what this one could be. More than once he had found so difficult to understand what could possibly happen inside that little chocobo head of his. It wasn't, alas because his name was Zack Fair and because he had been a first class SOLDIER that he was given a load of wonderful gifts and that he was born with an understanding of the « Cloudish » language. Oh No. Such aptitude was taking one's whole life to master. Probably. He thought. Maybe. 

He wished there could be a materia to read into people's thoughts. If such a thing existed, he would probably keep it on him at every hour of the day, even if it meant being drained drastically of all his magic a bit too often for his health to endure it.

When he realized that the time was passing at full speed when he laid his eyes on his phone, he broke the nasty silence that had taken the bad habit to fill way too often their conversations, if he could call them like that.

 

"When are you leaving this morning ?"

"At nine." 

 

Cloud then realized that he was about to lack time if he did not finish his cup of coffee, coffee that had stained his shirt a few minutes ago. 

 

"I'm going to take a shower and change clothes." 

 

Zack agreed and, standing up to put his mug down in the sink, stopped by the chair where Cloud was still sat to gently ruffle the rebellious strands of hair while he was finishing to drink his coffee with carefreeness. The unfortunate nearly avoided to make a new stain on his shirt when he felt the hand on his head. 

 

"Don't ! Touch me..."

 

Had Zack forgotten that they were not the young friends that were fooling around back when they were both soldiers ? Even though they had both agreed to stop their relationship, the reason why it hurt so much after that was mostly because Zack did not give him any news in the following years... And now he was acting as if those five long years had never happened with such a friendly gesture... Such a familiar gesture. That was too much for him. 

If he knew that accepting to welcome Zack in his own home was going to fasten a strand of friendship between them again, Zack was taking steps a bit too fast for his own liking. This gesture was only reminding him very painful memories and feelings. There was so much fondness in it.

A bit startled by the sudden reaction of the younger man, Zack withdrew his hand as if it just had touched boiling makô. He apologized with a hushed tone and lowered his eyes sadly. Without any more words, he retreated in the kitchen. To be honest, he could understand Cloud's reaction. 

His gesture had been purely instinctive, to the point he hadn't even been aware of what he had been doing. It was just an old habit that was now surfacing back in the presence of the one that had been such a precious friend of his. 

As far as he knew, though, he hadn't thought Cloud would be reacting to his gesture like that, and it was probably the reason why he was hurting now. Cloud clearly had scrapped the past and everything that was tied directly or indirectly to their old relationship as lovers... And even as good friends it seemed. Everything had definitively been reduced to ashes in his heart. 

He knew he had harmed him for disappearing so suddenly after their break-up, yet he didn't think the infantry man would have left the military and been so hard to find himself after he had left.Oh, how he was regretting now. He had missed him so much...

Offering his back to the living room, his head lowered above the sink, he had to wait until he heard the door of the bathroom being shut behind his back to freely let the tears that were wetting his eyes run on his cheeks. He wiped it with the back of his hand and tried to distract his mind by washing the dishes, but now more than ever, he could feel the pain even though he had finally found this precious friend again... 

 

_________________________

 

Around noon, Cloud pushed his apartment's door to retrieve quickly the phone he had forgotten earlier in the morning. The sight in front of which he found himself then didn't miss to add some weight to his share of emotions for the day : Zack, who was taking care of the chores like he had suggested, was vacuuming. Up to this point, nothing out of the ordinary, except he had apparently decided that life was much nicer without any clothes. Which was the reason why he was now sucking up dust with nothing but his boxer briefs on him. 

Cloud then thought that even though they had been together a long time ago, the ex-SOLDIER was still surprising him with the different facets of his personality.

Zack finally noticed his presence and stopped the deafening noise coming from the vacuum in order to address Cloud an inquiring look. He hadn't expecting the man to come back home at this time of the day. Despite scanning his face, Cloud couldn't find any shame inscribed on it. Oh, it was Zack after all. 

 

"I... I forgot my phone..." He explained, feeling himself getting redder the more he had to face the nearly dressed man's look.

 

"Oh, Okay..." 

 

Turning his head briskly in a different direction, Cloud only reached with his hand what he had come to get, grabbed it and gave his back immediately to his flat and the shameless man.

 

"I'm leaving... And for the love of Odin, dress up." he added.

 

Zack rubbed his neck.

 

"Ah... Well... About that. My clothes are in the washing machine at the moment, soo... Sorry... I didn't think you'd..."

 

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Cloud cut him with a strangely hoarse voice. 

 

Strongly decided to only show him his back to converse, way too embarrased, Cloud didn't comment anymore on Zack's behaviour and simply settled for a word or two, indicating him he needed to hurry back to work. 

Zack on the other hand hastened to hold him back before he could cross the door again.

 

"Ah, by the way ! I took the liberty of emptying your mailbox earlier today. You've got mails. 'Put them on the table." 

 

"Thanks," Cloud answered, "I'll take a look at it when I'll get back. Later."

 

And on these words, he shut the door behind him hastily, already taking the stairs to leave the place as fast as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cloud doesn't know what he wants. He better make up his mind about it. But hey, we're speaking of Cloud~


	4. Melting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the previous chapter a little bit. Nothing of importance besides changing "Christmas" by "Odin's day", it just made more sense in this universe. I'll explain about this day a bit more in the following chapters, don't worry.

When he pushed the door of the small bar on this late afternoon, he did not expect to find the owner of the place with such company.

Feeling slightly embarrassed as all the looks turned in his direction the moment his blond spikes said hello to the place, he had to wait a few seconds before snapping out of it and moving forward, to the counter.

As always, the young barmaid was standing behind the counter made of black zinc. Sat in front of this one were two men who had cut short their conversation when turning around to look at the new comer. The latter knew well the two men. They were regulars of the "Seventh Heaven", as well as Tifa's good friends. One the two was an old childhood acquaintance who liked to linger regularly in the bar to see her, and the other one was a vigorous, stubby man with a short black beard. Behind his surly face was hiding a deep sensibility for Nature and the small beings this one was giving birth to.

Yes, Johnny and Barret, these two he knew well. But standing next to Tifa, though, was a woman he remembered only meeting once. And what a time it was. The lady was no one else than the woman he had seen hung at Zack's arm less than a week ago. He had not expected to see the woman again that soon. On another hand, he had not expected even for a second to see Zack there either, and even less imagined he was going to give him shelter the day just after.

He made sure he was not betraying the surprise on his face now that he had found such a presence in a place that, before Zack had come up in, had been like a shelter where to find comfort, before he walked further in.  
Now, the bar looked more like a place that was playing with his feelings. He greeted the two men with a brief nod, which did not surprise them ; they were used to this kind of greetings coming from him and his modest nature. Then, he directed his interrogating look to Tifa as he sat at the counter himself. 

Even though he did not actually ask any question, the barmaid understood instantly that the man was asking her about the presence and identity of the woman at her sides. 

 

"Hi, Cloud. This is Aerith. She came to help today. She's one of Zack's friends." She smiled widely as she gestured toward the woman, who smiled pleasantly at him as well. 

 

Since Cloud was staring quietly at the woman as if she was some sort of curiosity coming straight out another cosmos, she kept talking.

 

"The usual?" 

 

There. A simple question which was requiring a simple answer. Cloud seemed a bit slow that day. It was probably better to spare him by asking very little, if nothing at all for a short time. She had to start out smoothly and draw the words from him little by little, just the time for him to assimilate... Because that did not seem to be the case for the time being. 

 

"Yeah..."

 

Good. Maybe they could move up a gear now.

 

"So, tell me, how is it going with Zack ? He's not as tiring and invasive as you said he would be ?"

 

The question must have stung him because he seemed to snap out suddenly and switched his dazed look for an annoyed one.

 

"Oh yeah, speaking of which. This is the reason why I wanted to see you tonight... Why didn't you tell me you hired him ?"

 

The woman blinked.

 

"... Why ?" She repeated, unsure of what he was asking exactly. It was obvious, right ? "He was in a mess, wasn't he ? He lost his job and you needed to welcome him in your apartment... So I thought I could help myself a bit. Isn't that the least I could do ?" 

 

Forced to admit she was right, Cloud simply nodded slowly, to give her reason without entirely agreeing with great enthusiasm either.

 

"So it's you, the famous Cloud."

 

The sudden words from the young stranger startled Cloud when he heard his name. He had not expected her to speak to him directly. And if he was honest with himself, he had tried to forget she was even here in the first place. _The famous_... ? Since when was he a celebrity around there ? He had left the army as a mere infantry and never made it in SOLDIER, there was no one as anonymous as he...

 

"... Wh... ?" He spluttered, confused. 

 

"Oh, sorry," she apologized quickly, aware of what he was probably wondering right now, "Zack often told me about you. I'm glad I can finally meet you in person." She explained before lifting her cheekbones in a lovely, delighted smile. 

 

If that was not enough already, confusion even worsened in his mind. Zack had often told about him to this woman now ? What did he say exactly ? He was going to hear from him when he would get back home. Remaining voiceless upon hearing these news, Cloud could only stay dumbfounded in front of the two women. Tifa then hid a small laugh behind her wrist while the man was clearly asking himself tons of questions in his mind.

 

"Oh, come on, spiky head ! The lady is saying she's glad to meet you and ya arn't answerin' a damn thing ? Your mom didn' teach ya courtesy or wha ?" 

 

With a good bump on his shoulder, Barret, who had strangely not said anything up to this point, exhorted him to step out of his mutism.

 

"That's right, Cloud. Be a gentleman, won't you ?" Johnny added to back up Barret's words.

 

Cloud looked at both of them with a blank look, until Aerith caught his attention once more.

 

"Don't worry. I understand that you must be confused right now. I'm Aerith, Zack's friend and confident !" She smiled as she pronounced the last words, and hid her mouth behind her wrist to giggle slightly.

 

Cloud finally reacted and shook the hand she was holding at him.

 

"Nice to meet you, Aerith." He said with an hesitant smile. 

 

The woman leaned on the counter and observed him intently, to a point Cloud started to feel uneasy for being stared at like this. He lowered his eyes, staring at the floor instead.

She drummed her fingers on the zinc and smiled eerily as she kept looking.

 

"You're really cute", she finally spoke again, "I understand why Zack kept speaking about you." 

"Hm..."

"Would you offer me a drink ?"

"Wha... ? Sure."

"Awesome ! I'd love a moogle honey moon, please. Let's get comfortable and sit at one of the tables, what do you say ? Is that okay if I leave you for a little while, Tifa ?" She said excitedly.

"No worries." Tifa smiles softly. "Do you want something else, Cloud ?"

"No, thanks."

"Sure thing."

 

Tifa took out two empty glasses and put them on the counter before starting to fill each with different kind of bottles of colorful liquids.

In the meantime, Aerith had left the space behind the counter and was walking towards Cloud. She took his hand and dragged him towards a table in a quiet little corner, so they could speak in peace.

 

"Zack is one hell of a roommate, isn't he ?"

"Yeah." It was Cloud's turn to smile.

"I felt a bit sad that he decided to leave the house, but it was also very thoughtful of him. Well, Zack has already been a thoughtful person. How did you two meet by the way ?"

"Oh, well, we were both in the military."

"I know that much." She laughed softly. "Tell me more."

Cloud shook his head with a smile. What a nosy person Aerith was. In a way, she reminded him of Zack. He could understand why the two were good friends and even dated at some point. They were bubbles of peps.

"Well... " He started, "He saved my ass during a mission. More correctly, he got me out of a pit. Literally. I and a few others in my division had fallen in a trap. Two SOLDIERS found us after an hour. Zack was one of them. I remember him teasing me for getting mud all other my uniform, saying that he would strip me out of it if he could," Cloud laughed softly, "it was in Zack's nature to just tease everyone around, but for some reasons I still don't know, he... never gave up on me. We became friends started from that day. But mostly because he wanted to. I would have never got the guts to keep talking with him if he didn't do the first steps the first few times after that day. He wanted to be friends with me, and succeeded. Quite easily I must even say, I loved being around him... It made me feel... better about myself..." 

 

Cloud lowered his eyes once more. Remembering those days was hurting more than he could tell. He had loved and still loved Zack so much. He hated just how happy he had been back then thanks to him, and how all of that vanished so suddenly. He had not be prepared for this. It hurt so much just to think about it again now.

Aerith must have felt his mood had just dropped because she stayed politely silent. She lowered her eyes as well. Maybe she should not have awakened those memories in the young man's head. 

Tifa put an end to this awkward silence as she put the two drinks on the table where they had taken their place. 

 

"Cheer up guys." She said, kindly.

 

Aerith thanked her warmly but Cloud was still lost in his thoughts. 

 

"Let's talk about something else !" She offered and Cloud simply nodded.

 

They talked then again for a little while. About her, about him, getting to know each other a little better, until fatigue started to be felt. Cloud then excused himself and said goodbye to both Aerith and Tifa, before retrieving his bike, parked in front of the bar, and heading straight back home.

Later in the evening, when Cloud got back home, he did not find Zack. The guy had already left and he probably missed him by a few minutes given the fact he had not seen him at the bar either.

As he got closer to his kitchen table, he noticed a note on top of it.

_Dinner's in the fridge, you only need to warm it up. Have a good night, see you tomorrow. Zack_

Cloud could not help but smile as he read it. Despite everything, he had to agree with Aerith, Zack really was thoughtful.

_________________________

The following day, Cloud decided to stay later at Tifa's bar the same evening. The truth was, he wanted to see Zack, even if it meant he could not speak with him or only see him for a few minutes, he just wanted to see him. Finding the man again after so many years really hurt him at first, but now that he had welcomed him in his own home, he had found himself longing for his presence and to speak with him again. No matter how many years, it seemed his weakness was and would always be this man's infectious smiles and pep talks.

When he pushed to door of the bar, he was greeted by Tifa, like usual, but this time Aerith wasn't there, nor were Barret and Johnny. There were only a few patrons he didn't know very well, for he never tried to know them and vice versa.

Zack wasn't there either and Cloud could not hide a sigh. Tifa noticed instantly and she gestured for him to come closer. 

Cloud sat at the counter like he usually did and Tifa leaned in. 

 

"He starts at eight." She said with a smile. "You can wait here or go catch him before he leaves." She added.

 

Cloud spluttered.

 

"What makes you think I want to see him ?"

"Because disappointment can be read all over your face." She smiled again. "And I know you well enough to understand why."

 

Cloud let his forehead fall on his palms as he restrained a groan. Tifa definitely knew him well. 

He was left with two options then. It was seven in the evening. Whether he headed back home now so he could catch Zack before he left for thirty small minutes, but he knew Zack would be getting ready for work during these minutes, or he waited there for one more hour and hope the man would be helping Tifa in the main room and not in the kitchens. 

Sensing the struggle inside the man's head, Tifa leaned in again and hid one end of her mouth with her hand, to discreetly whisper in her friend's ear.

 

"I'll let him work for the service today"

 

Cloud looked up at her with stared in amazement. Tifa knew him maybe a little too well.

He thanked her and chose to stay and wait. Tifa's last words had definitely helped with that decision.

 

One hour later, he was starting to feel sleepy when the familiar voice reached his ears. Straightening up on the counter, he looked in the direction of said voice.

Tifa had not let him down ; Zack was there, in an apron and his long hair tied in a ponytail. Cloud's heard jumped in his chest. After all this time, he still found the man handsome. If anything, he had become even hotter. 

Catching Cloud's eyes on his body, Zack grinned and teasing eyes made contact with his. 

 

"Well, well. Hello there, beautiful. Can I get something for you ?" He teased again.

 _A kiss, please_ Cloud thought, but was very careful not to say so. Instead he said with a small smile :

"Whatever you think I'd like."

 

It was Zack's turn to get lost in his thoughts, Cloud could tell under the insistent look that was scanning his face and body. He started to feel uneasy ; Zack was looking at him with a face he couldn't read. It wasn't care, it wasn't lust, it wasn't tease, it wasn't confusion or pain. He was just... staring, and the more he did, the more Cloud was feeling uncomfortable.

Finally, he stopped looking so intently at him and got a glass ready.

 

"Whatever you'd like, huh. I know exactly what you like, buddy."

 

And it was true, Zack knew all he needed to know about him and got him his usual, the drink Tifa was always serving him without even asking what it was. Neither to him or Tifa for that matter.

Cloud thanked him and they started to chat idly when one the patrons in the bar, sat at the counter next to him, started insulting Zack. 

It had came out of nowhere and both men and Tifa were startled by the sudden outburst. 

As they listened to him, slaloming between slurs and whatever word they could catch in this gibberish, they understood that the man was extremely unhappy with a man serving him his drinks instead of Tifa.

The man was drunk beyond belief, that was clear enough, and in the little they could understand, they concluded that his speech made no sense whatsoever. It was just a mix of swears and drunk gabble, the half of it they couldn't even make out. 

Cloud's protective side surfaced again, though, when the man assaulted his friend. He had used a fire materia to cast a spell on Zack and even though it was ridiculous to try to hurt an ex-SOLDIER with such a low leveled materia, or with even an high leveled one, Cloud was becoming extremely angry with that drunkard. 

A little bit dizzy from the alcohol himself, enough to forget what he was doing, Cloud got on his feet and took the other man by the collar of his shirt with both hands. 

Zack and Tifa quickly stepped in to put the two men apart before they could hurt each other, knowing fair well that Cloud could really harm the customer without even noticing when in such a state.

Cloud struggled at first, he was so angry at the man for attacking Zack like this. But when Zack dragged him away, he suddenly became aware of his hands on his hip and waist, restraining him from doing the irreparable. Anger slowly shifted to longing and, this time, he pulled Zack's shirt towards him, much less violently. He wanted to kiss him so badly, but was still aware enough to stop himself from doing so.

Zack was startled by Cloud's gesture, and he pushed him away gently.

"You should get back home" He advised and Cloud nodded silently. 

The drunkard had calmed down too, and Tifa was trying to get rid of him. She took him by his collar and threw him outside of the small bar. 

As she rubbed her hands with a satisfied smile, she got back to business and bid Zack to do the same. 

Later that night, Zack found Cloud asleep on the sofa instead of his bed. The most quietly he could, he took his vest off and laid it softly on the sleeping man. 

With a smile, he sighed and put a hand to his forehead as he looked down at his friend. He wished Cloud could hold his drinks a bit better than he did that night.

 

"Now, where to sleep... ?" he whispered softly for himself, before settling down by putting his shirt on the floor and sleeping on top of it.

_________________________

The following day, Cloud did not come to the bar. Nor the day after, and the day after the day after.  
He was ashamed of his behaviour and despite wanting to see Zack, he was afraid he could give up to his needs and try to kiss the man once more.

As the days passed, it had become clear to him that Zack only wanted to be friends with him again. No less and no more. He was desperate for friendship, and Cloud was desperate for something more, but at the same time, he couldn't forgive the man for his behaviour a long time ago, as well as he knew he wouldn't be able to live with just friendship with the man. Friendship with the man meant he would suffer unless he could tame his longings. 

Stuck in this neverending struggle, Cloud decided they needed to talk and put things straight. When he spoke about this idea to Zack, the man had agreed instantly.

 _Let's meet at the bar tomorrow night_ he had said.

And so Cloud was at the bar that night. When Zack saw him enter the place, he immediately glanced at Tifa who nodded in return.

With a grin, he got around the counter and pointed a table with his hand.

 

"What do you want to eat ? My treat."

"Aren't you supposed to be working ?" Cloud asked, rather confused.

"Tifa made an exception so I can have dinner with you."

"Dinner... with me ?"

"Yeah. Unless you don't want to ? I thought it would be easier to talk with a nice meal on our plates. I mean... I don't know where our conversation is going to lead us, so I'd rather make it as nice as possible for the both of us, at least." 

"Oh, okay... "

 

Cloud lowered his eyes. Zack was right about something, he had no idea where their conversation was going to lead them and he was apprehending it greatly.

 

"So, what do ya wanna eat ? Burgers ? I know you love burgers."

"I do."

"Great ! So two burgers, Tif', please !"

"Noted !" Tifa said from behind the counter before retreating in the kitchens.

"So let's talk." Zack started and Cloud nodded, falling silent again. " … If you have any grudge towards me, I understand, but if you don't tell me what's going on inside your head, I can't... I can't guess everything, you know ? I need you to tell me if you're okay with this... And by this I mean, me living with you... I'm thankful you accepted, you know... I just... I don't know... " Zack run a hand in his hair with frustration. "Maybe it's been too long after all... "

"It's not... well... it's... Where to start ?" Cloud exhaled. "You know that day... When you showed up at the bar with Aerith... It was the first time in... in five years that I saw you. I was... furious ? I guess, as you noticed... I didn't want to see you ever again, and certainly not here. "

" So why did you accept to accomodate me... ? "

"Because I... I still... I... " Cloud couldn't let the words get out of his mouth and fell silent again.

"Cloud. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving that day. I had planned to leave Shin-Ra in a long time, even long before we started dating. If anything, it's because I wanted to stay with you that I was staying. I understand if you still hate me about this. When I came back to Midgar to take news from you, you had left Shin-Ra too. I... didn't expect that. But I'm being absolutely sincere when I tell you, right now, that I'm glad I could meet you again. If you don't want to be friends again, I'll understand. I deserve it. If you want me to leave, I'll leave... Just tell me, don't let me hanging... "

"I don't know... ? I don't know if I want to forgive you. I don't know if I want you to stay or leave. I've missed you... I've missed you so much. " 

"Can we still at least be friends again ? I don't want to let you go now that I found you again. "

"Yeah, okay. Let's do that. Let's be friends again." Cloud finally seemed to get his breath back as he whispered the last words. "Whatever your reasons for leaving Shin-Ra without telling anyone. I'm willing to believe they were good ones. I forgive you."

_I forgive you._


	5. Leaking

_Let's be friends again_ , easier said than done.

He could not say things hadn't gone considerably better between them since that conversation, yet Cloud wasn't entirely comfortable with this new situation. Zack, on the other hand, was as happy as one can be. Even though doing small gestures as innocent as ruffling his hair or throwing his arm around his shoulder was still painful for Cloud, the younger man couldn't deny that all in all, they were much less awkward around the other. It was easier to chat, easier to live together, there was no longer long silences falling between them and Zack was even capable to make his friend laugh again, and so was Cloud.

Slowly, a little routine set up between the two of them. Zack was cooking breakfast, Cloud was leaving the city to work, and then they were seeing each other briefly at Tifa's bar before the younger of the two felt like going back home. When Zack was coming back home himself, he was making sure he wasn't making any noise as to avoid awaking Cloud, then stripped to his pants before getting comfortable in the sofa for the little rest of the night. 

Things were working like this for a while, but Cloud couldn't deny that he was finding himself falling hard back in love with his roommate again. Not that he really stopped loving the man in the first place, but being so attracted to him when he was around, acting in his old good ways around him, was definitely not helping. On the other hand, Zack seemed completely blind to his friend's struggle. Then again, there was not much Cloud could do about it, his friend was living his life and he needed to do the same.

This particular morning, he had awoken later than usual, and was surprised when he left his bedroom not to see Zack anywhere around, until he heard a weak « good morning » coming from his couch. Startled, Cloud walked around this one, only to find Zack was still lying down, and on top of him was his cat, coiled in a ball against his chest and purring loudly. 

Cloud was surprised to say the least. And that was an understatement. He had no clue how his cat was going to react to the presence of a new roommate, but it seemed Zack had won her trust faster than he imagined. Sadly for the latter, that meant that he now couldn't move without taking the risk to awake Hazel. A tremendous price to pay in exchange of the cat's love.

Zack waved at Cloud from his spot on the couch, or tried to, as afraid as he was to disturb the cat. 

Cloud hid a small smile behind his hand, Zack's attempts to let his cat sleep in peace were endearing, and so was the sight of his friend lain down on his couch, cuddling with her. 

The man gave a few little gentle strokes on her head softly and gave Cloud a shrug, a way to say he was kind of stuck in this position and some help from him would be more than welcomed, but all he did was to laugh at his friend's misery. 

 

"Sorry, but you're going to stay there until she decides to leave. There's nothing I can do for you."

"Oh, come on, Cloud, don't leave me here. I wanted your cat to love me but she won't leave me now."

"Stop saying it as if it bothered you. I know you well, Zack. "

"Touché. "

 

Zack smiled at Cloud and came back to his original occupation : Petting Hazel. 

 

"See you tonight ?" He asked again.

"You mean at the bar ?"

"Yeah. I mean, only if your kitty allow me to go."

 

Cloud laughed again.

 

"Sure. Let's meet there."

_________________________

As promised, Cloud showed up at the bar after he was done with his work for the day. Zack wasn't there yet, so he decided to take a drink while waiting for him to start his shift.

Tifa greeted him the same way she always did, by waving at him, asking him if he wanted the usual, and then chatting about his day and whatever he had bottled in his chest that he needed to let go of. However that day, she put on her serious look as she handed him his drink. 

 

"Cloud... ", she started, looking at him straight in the eyes, "be honest with Zack."

 

Cloud feigned ignorance and shrug at the question.

 

"What do you mean ?" 

"I mean that if you keep your feelings for yourself, you're going to get hurt again."  
   
"I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Oh please, Cloud. Don't act as if I never noticed or knew about your past relationship with him. It's so easy to figure it out."

"Is this the reason why you told him I was living alone ?"

 

It was her turn to feign ignorance, though, and she bit her bottom lip with embarrassment. Cloud sighed.

 

"You do realize our relationship has been over a long time ago, right ? He just wants to be friends."

"But you don't, and that's the reason why you need to tell him."

"What good will come from this ? It will just make things awkward between us."

"Maybe you should stop running away from your problems and face the facts." She retorted. "Whether you like it or not, I wasn't going to tell him to get lost and never step ever again in my bar just so you can happily hurt in silence because you can't move on."

"Tifa..." Cloud sighed for the umpteeth time since he had stepped inside the place, "You wanted me to get back with him, didn't you ?"

Tifa lowered her eyes down. 

"I'm sorry, Cloud... I shouldn't have kept your hopes up. I thought... I really thought this was going to work out."

"Maybe next time don't put your nose in stuff that does not concern you." Now he was angry.

"Cloud..."

She seemed really hurt and he instantly regretted his harsh words.

"Tifa, I'm sorry..."

"No, no," she interrupted,  "it's me. I'm sorry, Cloud, but... I still believe you need to tell him. You know no good can come from this situation if you don't."

 

Cloud shook his head with exasperation. Again and again, he was really forgiving these days, but he couldn't get mad at his friends when he knew they genuinely cared for him. And Tifa was right. He knew she was, but he just did not want to admit it himself.

The silence that lingered between them was put to an abrupt end when Zack pushed the door of the bar and looked at them with question marks in his eyes. What was going on there ? He felt as if he just interrupted a private conversation and rubbed his neck, slightly uncomfortable with the atmosphere he just stepped in.

 

"Hey there... ?" he attempted with a small smile.

 

Tifa immediately looked up and smiled back at him. Thank Odin he had broken her awkward conversation with her old friend. 

 

"Hi Zack. Come here, I hm... will let you take care of serving tonight," she said as she gave a long look to Cloud as if trying to tell him to be brave, before she retreated in the kitchens to give the two boys some space. 

 

Not that they had plenty of that when they were in Cloud's apartment, but she was hoping her last words to Cloud and some drinks would help him to get it all out of his system. Except, she was wrong. In the end, Cloud didn't talk to Zack one bit about his feelings and just went on as if everything was perfectly fine. She knew that wasn't true, and she wasn't the only one along with him feeling that there were things left unsaid...

_________________________

The following day, as Cloud was getting ready for the day, Zack asked him a question that was burning his lips for a little while now.

 

"By the way, Cloud."

"Yeah ?"

"The shopkeeper you're working for, he doesn't need another supplier by any chance ?"

"Are you trying to steal my job ?" Cloud laughed a bit as he shook his head with amusement. "He doesn't, not this one at least. You can find another one, maybe."

"Ah, haven't found anyone yet." He let out a long sigh.

"Want to come with me today ? On the field."

"Seriously ?"

 

Zack's head perked up at the offer, and if he had a tail, Cloud swore he would be able to see it swing excitedly.

 

"Yeah, seriously."

"Oh man, I'm totally on !" 

 

Zack was almost bouncing in the apartment with eagerness while Cloud was getting his gear ready. He was still a child at heart, after all.

When he finally quietened down a bit, he caught in mid-air the weapon that was flung at him from the other end of the room.

 

"You're going to need this." 

 

Zack tried on the sword that was given to him with some quick drills, feeling it as his fingers closed firmly around the hilt. It was an old and nostalgic feeling, but he was quickly getting the hand of it again.

 

"It's been so long... I... I never knew I needed it so badly ?"

"Needed what ?"

"Feeling a sword in my hand, flinging it in the air like this. I can't wait to get on the field and get some monsters." He replied with some new moves.

 

Cloud laughed shyly. It may had been a long time, yet the man was perfectly handing the sword he had given to him. Even though this was one of his spare blades, one that was totally foreign to Zack's hand, he knew how to wield it perfectly, and despite his words, it seemed like the Ex-SOLDIER never really stopped being one. His moves were too perfect. 

 

"I feel rusted", he confessed, but Cloud could not see it. He knew Zack was probably telling the truth, yet he really couldn't tell himself. The man would always stay above him, even though he never stopped fighting, Zack was still better than he would always be. 

 

The thought hurt him and he let out a discreet smile as he lowered his eyes. He didn't want Zack to notice how jealous he was and had always been, yet he was starting to regret his decision to bring him with him to slay some monsters.

They took off on his bike, Zack on the spare seat behind his, and reached the verdant lands that were surrounding Midgar. The city was a beautiful, wide capital that was using the sunlight to provide electricity to his inhabitants, and all of this ran by the beloved Shin-Ra Electric Company. 

All around the city were broad and ample areas of luxuriant grass. Areas that were, on another hand, real dens of monsters. With perfect living conditions and habitats, the latters were attracted by these lands and were a common but dangerous threat outside of the cities. Threats that the Shin-Ra army was usually taking care of. Then there were mercenaries like Cloud, who were taking advantages of the presence of monsters to bring different kind of accessories, precious and rare, or even common items and materias for the traders of different towns. 

For reasons that were totally obscure, though, monsters were really agressive beings, and their origin remained a mystery. Cloud wasn't going to complain if it meant he had a job, no matter how dull said job had become for him after years of doing the same thing every single day.

But this time, though, things were going to be slightly different, and the main reason behind this was that Zack was his partner for the day. And what partner he made ! Cloud was brought back five years ago instantly, like when he used to fight side by side with the SOLDIER. 

It was such a nostalgic feeling that he almost forgot they weren't swordmates anymore. Life had taken such an unexpected turn. Back then, he would have never thought they would ever end up there, on that day, being pals living under the same roof, one being jobless and the other one doing something he used to love as his main job. All of that could be so easily blown away with each of Zack's moves : As he was swinging his sword, he was swinging Cloud's memories, as he was dropping his blade down on a monster, he was showering Cloud with nostalgia, and as he was dancing on his feet, stepping aside, moving forwards, he was also erasing the present, taking Cloud by the arm and bringing him in a different time. On that day, really, Cloud even forgot he didn't like his job. Quite the contrary even, he loved it again, and when the sudden realization that what he actually loved when in the military was to fight side by side with Zack and not actually killing monsters hit him violently, he stopped fighting, shaken up for a little while. This was the reason why he didn't like his job to begin with. What he liked was team attack, not killing monsters and collecting items just for the sake of it. 

When they were done for the day, both he and Zack wiped their weapons of the blood of monsters and the older man gave his blade back to his friend.

 

"Thanks for today." He said as he handed the sword.

 

Cloud shrugged. He was the one who was thankful, Zack had made him remember what he liked in fighting in the first place. 

 

"Say. You never told me why you left Shin-Ra." He kept speaking as he joined his hands behind his back, indicating he was in for casual talk.

"Neither did you." Cloud retorted.

"Fair enough. "

 

He untied his hands from behind his back and crossed them around his chest instead.

 

"If I tell you my reasons, will you tell me yours?"

 

Cloud stopped walking in surprise, and gave Zack an incredulous look. He couldn't believe this.

 

"What ? You actually want to tell me now ? After leaving without a word, you go and casually tell me that you want to tell me now ?"

 

"Actually, yeah..." he breathed out, honesty apparent in his voice, "I really want you to know."

 

Curiosity was burning inside Cloud and he let it get the better of him.

 

"Tell me. Please, tell me," he breathed in turn, staring straight in Zack's eyes, as he was trying to read what they were hiding behind the vibrant blue, behind all the sadness they were filled with since he found him again. 

 

"I will tell you. I promise, but let's get back home first. I want to tell you in private."

"Why ?"

"Because I want to get cozy to talk about it." He smiled.

 

That was an obvious lie, Cloud could tell, but then again, Zack always seemed distant and secret when this subject was brought up in the conversation, so, again, he let it go.

 

"Thanks for helping me today." He said instead.

"No problem. Think you'll get paid more ?"

"No, I'm paid for the items they need delivered, no less and no more. But the extras I take back home", it was his turn to smile.

"So much for my luck"

"What do you mean ?"

"Well... I've got a project."

"Yeah ? Like what ?"

"Like... making my own jack-of-all-trades business. Just need to rent a place that'll serve as my office."

"That... That sounds so great, Zack!"

"You think so too, huh ?" he winked, amused. "Hey, you know what ? Let's do it together. You and me, we make the best of team, today vouches for it."

"I... I don't know..."

"Why not ? You're good at many things, not only killing monsters, I remember that."

"Maybe, but..."

 

Cloud was at loss of words. This was all so sudden, he didn't want to give his word if he wasn't to invest him into this in the end. This was Zack's project, not his, and no matter how tempting the offer, he needed to think thoroughly about it first.

 

"Let me think about it."

"Of course."

_________________________

Later that night, when Zack got home, he was surprised to find Cloud waiting for him on the sofa.

 

"Cloud ? What... Why didn't you go to bed ? It's two in the morning !"

"Remember ? You said you were going to tell me why you left Shin-Ra."

"What ? Is this why you stayed up so late ?"

"That, and I took a day off tomorrow."

"Really ?"

"Yeah... It'll be nice, to sleep in, for once. I've got enough items stocked here to deliver tomorrow without worrying about getting in troubles."

 

Zack shook his head with disbelief. Cloud could surprise him in the most unexpected ways it seemed. 

He sat down next to him. He really did owe him an explanation, he just didn't think his friend was going to wait for him so late to get it, but this one truly was important for the young man. Once he heard it, he would be able to actually move on and bury his past once and for all.

 

"Well..." He started, lowering his eyes and rubbing the back of his head as he did so,"I... I found out during a mission, that I truly hated Shin-Ra. For the longest time, I thought I was on the right side, you know. Protecting people from monsters, stopping rebels in order to allow cities to get electricity and a comfortable lifestyle, but... But during that one mission, I realized, maybe... Maybe I was on the wrong side. This friend, Aerith, she was the one to open up my eyes. Her parents died, killed by SOLDIERS sent by Shin-Ra. Their only crime ? They knew too much. She was a young kid when it happened."

" _Knew too much_... ? About what ? Wait, I thought Aerith lived with her mother ?"

"Yeah, she's been adopted."

"Oh..."

"I met Aerith during that mission, I was supposed to kill the parents of another kid, from another family, for another mission. Probably because they knew too much as well. She stopped me, but I couldn't do it anyway. I knew I was disobeying orders, but I couldn't do it. I faked their deaths and helped them escape. Aerith never hated me even though I was in SOLDIER, but I still feel like I have blood on my hands, and it's not just a feeling, I do... I thought of leaving Shin-Ra since that day, but then I met you. You were full of hopes, you wanted to become SOLDIER, you were admiring them, I didn't have the heart to break yours. You can think bad of me for never telling you any of that before today, but I didn't want to make you an enemy of Shin-Ra. They could have killed you."

 

Cloud stayed silent for a while, and with each passing second, Zack could feel apprehension sinking slowly under his skin. He knew Cloud was judging him, yet it was still extremely painful to wait for the verdict.

Zack finally released the breath he didn't realize he was holding when his friend spoke again.

 

"You hated Shin-Ra and you never told me? I hate the fact that you never told me about all this. I really do. I also hate that you thought I wouldn't handle the truth"

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to put you in danger, can you understand this? I spent these last few years investigating in secret, but they kept an eye on me, this is why it's dangerous."

"Why telling me this now then?"

"Because you deserve to know."

"I must say relieved, as odd as it can sound."

"Why ?"

"Because I left Shin-Ra too, and because it wasn't because of me that you left."

"What could possibly make you think that it was because of you ?"

"Well, you _did_ leave just after our break-up. How was I supposed to think any differently ?"

"I never thought about it that way." Zack put a finger under his chin, now that he thought of it, he could understand why Cloud had been so mad at him when it happened. That and leaving without telling him why or even saying goodbye.

"Yeah..."

 "What about you, though ? Why did you leave ?"

"Well, my reasons are really different... After you left, I lost all confidence to ever make it in SOLDIER, and becoming one didn't really have any appeal anymore. anyway. It had been my dream for so long, and then, it didn't really mean anything. It was all for nothing."

"Cloud ! You had potential, I was always telling you that !"

"Yeah, you did, and then you left, and I didn't really think I did anymore."

"Cloud, I didn't think... I'm sorry..."

Cloud shook his head with a small sigh. He was being really bitter these days, such a contrast with the great time he had with Zack earlier during the day. So he tried to put an end to it, he didn't want to think about all this anymore, he knew it was coming to haunt him later anyway.

 

"Hey..."

 

Zack's head, which was drooping towards the floor sadly, perked up at Cloud's new voice tone.

 

"That mail from a few days ago... The one you retrieved for me," he added the moment he noticed Zack was looking at him with confusion in his eyes. "It was a letter from my mom. She was asking me to come over to Nibelheim during my week off, for Odin's day. Do you... Do you want to come with me ?" Cloud lowered his eyes as he gave the offer. As always, he found difficult to invite the man like this.

 

As for Zack, the man was beaming. Cloud's offer definitely had the pleasant effect to make his sad mood vanish instantly. 

 

"Of course I do." he answered with a grin. "But only if you come with me at Kalm's market place tomorrow." he added, winking as he did.

 

Cloud nodded happily. It was a deal. A new one, and a really joyful one for the both of them, this time. As the night went on, they played some of Cloud's video games until dawn, and it was as if time had never ran between them. They were teasing each others, pushing elbows to make the other one lose, and bickering like two old friends that never really grew up nor apart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I'm so rusted I almost feel the need to apologize for this mediocre chapter... I really need to spend more time on the next ones. I promise I will.


	6. Stream

So the Shin-Ra Company was hiding something important Zack had said. Something important enough that they killed people for it. It was a truth that weighed heavily on the stomach. 

Who were these people, and what did they know... ? What did Zack discover over the last few years he spent investigating ? Why was he revealing all of this now ? Was his friend in danger ? Was he as well now that he knew that much.. ? Cloud couldn't stop thinking about all this. Things always get better in the morning they say, but thinking about this all night just brought more and more questions to his mind. 

On one hand, he was glad Zack was holding him in this confession, his reasons for hiding the truth were good enough, he gave him that. On another hand, he still couldn't believe that Shin-Ra could possibly be behind these murders. It was a shock, and a shock that wouldn't get down his throat. How such a renowned Company, that he used to belong to, could be doing such horrendous crimes in total secrecy... ? How did Aerith know who killed her parents... ? The more he thought about this, the more confusing things were getting for him. His mind was in shambles, tangled thoughts he couldn't unravel. Good thing he had taken a day off, for he didn't sleep that much that night. 

Morning finally came, and with its bright sunrays, the promise of a nicer day despite the tough revelations from last night. 

Cloud found Zack still sleeping in the sofa, and he wondered if he had the same troubling night, given his reaction upon hearing the news. But how could he react any otherwise after such words ? 

He got nearer to the sleeping man and admired his peaceful face, sunlight dancing on his long eyelashes. It was the same light that made him stirred, slumber evaporating from his eyes. 

"Hi." He said, a small smile floating on his lips as he brought a hand up to his face to rub the sleep out of his eyes. 

"Hi." Cloud replied, with the same smile in turn. He reached out, and brushed a few bangs of dark hair away from his friend's forehead. "Slept well... ?"

"Not exactly... You?"

"Me either."

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault..."

"What have you been thinking... ?"

"I've been such a coward since the day I left you..." 

He sat up, putting his hands in front of his eyes as he did so, as if trying to hide behind them the shame and sadness Cloud could still distinguish in his voice. No doubt Zack had tortured himself with those thoughts all night, and he couldn't take any more of this sight. It was partly his fault if he was such a mess now, and he knew it, so he brought both arms around him and tightened them on his back, whispering comforting words to the man he loved too much to see brought down like this. 

"Don't say that... You know it's not true... You're the bravest man I've ever known..."

 

Zack let out a muffled, bitter laugh.

"A brave man who couldn't tell you the truth."

"Hey now. Please stop hurting yourself. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I called you a jerk..."

Zack returned the embrace strongly, pulling desperately on the arms that were embracing him. He didn't know he needed this so much. He was thankful Cloud could understand how it felt.

"I'm disgusted with myself, to have ever been under their service..."

"You don't have to redeem yourself, I know you're a good man, with loyalty and honor, I know that much. You've always been, that's all that matters..."

Zack stayed silent, and did for a while, so Cloud was the one to break the silence this time.

"Hey, I've thought about something..."

"What ?"

"Do you think you can tell me what you've discovered so far ? What did you plan on doing about it ? I want to know..."

"Are you sure you want to know ? It's pretty ugly..."

"Yeah."

"Alright then..."

_________________________

Zack had invited Aerith to join them to Kalm's market on this bright day that started so drearily, and the three of them were now wandering in the old streets of the picturesque downtown. It was the best way to divert minds out of painful matters and forget about the morning for the two men. It was more than welcomed for them after their long discussion.

As usual for this famous market, there was a living sea of people and navigating in this crowd was pretty hard when you were not used to it. Cloud, Zack and Aerith were trying their best to keep together as to avoid losing sight of each others as they advanced, the young girl often stopping at stalls where she could find all sort of rubans. She presently had a pretty pink one, matching her dress, and she was ecstatic in front of a various, colorful ones displayed in the stall she had stopped in front of, in order to take a look at the different accessories. Zack, on the other hand, let the girl make her choice and brought Cloud with him to some other places. He had one specific reason he wanted him to accompany him on his day off, and that was to show him the new sword stall that was coming once a week in the downtown for a few months now. 

"So, what do you say ?"

"They're all so great looking... !"

Cloud was full of desire, he could tell at the tone of his voice, and it was for good reasons. The swords and armors displayed were all made by one the most renowned armourer of the world. One that lived pretty close to Zack's hometown. 

"I can't afford any of them..." He remarked sadly.

"One day, I swear, we'll get back there with enough money to buy one of these." Zack assured.

"You're so optimistic." Cloud laughed softly, smiling unintendedly.

"I'm not!I'm just saying, we'll work our ass off for one of these. It'll be even better when we get our business working." He hit his chest as if saying he was certain things were going to be this way in no time.

" _"our"_  ?"

"Oh yeah, right, you haven't given me your answer yet."

Cloud laughed again. It was so like Zack to think ahead of things, but he couldn't deny his offer was irresistibly tempting, it couldn't be any worse than his current job anyway.

They were on their way to find Aerith where they left her before they took off their own way, but by the time they got there, she was gone. It was going to take some time to spot her in such a crowd and they decided to stay together, so they would not get apart from one another when they were already missing one of them. 

They were calling for her when suddenly, Cloud made himself inconspicuous behind Zack.

"Hide me !" He whispered, taking a quick look ahead before returning to his hiding place, if it could be called like this.

"What ?" Zack was confused to say the least, and he turned his head, trying to see Cloud behind his shoulder as he whispered in turn. « What's going on ? »

"Do you see that guy a few feet away from us ? The one with the blue coat and long red hair ?"

"Huuh, there's a lot of people with blue coats and red-haired in front of us..." Zack's confusion was only increasing as he scanned the crowd in order to spot the man Cloud seemed to be hiding from. "Why ?"

"He's a partner of the shopkeeper I'm working for. I made the mistake to give him my phone number, and he keeps asking me to go on a date with him since then. I mean, I did go to one, but now he won't let go. I can't even ignore his calls because sometimes they're work related. I don't want him to see me here. Please just... act natural and get me away from here. Please ?"

"Wow, what a story. I didn't know you had such an fan", Zack joked slightly. 

"Zack, that's not funny."

"Alright, alright."

Zack felt Cloud pulling on his shirt then, and as natural as he could get, he tried to get them away from the man his friend was hiding from. 

"You're such a seducer." He couldn't help but tease him about all this as they slowly retrace their steps.

"Speak for yourself."

"Yeah, I know, I'm irresistible." He joked once more.

"Oh dear Odin, would you stop that ?" Cloud laughed in return. Zack's good mood was always infectious and despite his fear to be spotted by the man who was harrassing him, he found himself amused by this little escape with his friend. 

Zack was hiding him the best he could with his back and arms, walking the most naturally possible, which meant for him, walking like a crab. Totally natural. 

They were getting far away enough from the man when they both bumped into someone. And what someone it was ! By pure hazard, they finally found the person they were looking for only a few minutes ago. Or rather, she was the one who found them. With both an amused look and confusion splattered all over her face, Aerith watched the two of them walking like two circus acrobats.

"You guys... What are you doing exactly ?"

Both startled, they turned around in unison and Cloud let escape a sigh of relief when he saw who they had just bumped into. 

"Cloud is trying to escape from an ass." Zack informed her, but only raised more confusion inside her. She shook her head and turned to Cloud, hoping to learn more from him.

"Yeah, well... Something like that."

"An admirer a little too persistent." Zack finally explained a bit more.

"Oh that's what it is." she frowned. "All right, well let's escape somewhere safe." 

She winked before taking their hands and bringing them with her in a coffee shop, not far from where the three of them were standing a few seconds ago. 

They sat at a table and ordered three cups of coffee and Cloud finally let go of the long breath he had stuck in his throat since he had spotted his harasser. 

"There, there." Zack patted his back in a friendly way and gave him a look of sympathy. Whoever was this guy, clearly Cloud was annoyed above imagination with him. He was about to bring the cup to his lips when he saw him suddenly bring a hand to his forehead and groan.

"Cloud, are you alright ?" Both Zack and Aerith asked at the same time when they noticed his strange behaviour. 

Cloud didn't have the time to answer, the moment their eyes fell on him, he went pale and his eyes turned in his eye sockets as he fell from his chair.

"Cloud !" Zack immediately exclaimed as he tried to catch the man before his body touched the floor. "Cloud ? Cloud !" he kept calling and these were the last words Cloud remembered before everything went black in his mind. 

It took a few minutes before he regained consciousness. He fluttered his eyes open and was surprised to notice he was above the floor, until he realized he was being carried by Zack. The latter almost dropped him the moment he saw Cloud awake in his arms.

"Cloud, oh Ramuh, how are you ? You scared us to death back there."

"Where are we... ?" Cloud asked, words still slow and numb as he did so. 

"We brought you out of Kalm after you lost consciousness. We just left the town."

"Oh." He only replied, mind still hazy with fatigue and confusion. His ears were ringing and it took all his attention to understand what the voices above him were saying.

He let his head fall back on the forearm that was holding him and let out a long sigh.

"I think I saw something. I can't remember what it was, though..." He said, eyes closed with concentration. 

"Let's get you back home, you must be tired"

"No, no, I'm fine. Put me back down, I think I can walk."

"You sure ?"

"Yeah."

Zack reluctantly did as he was told and put Cloud back on his feet carefully. He wasn't absolutely certain the young man was actually fine, and couldn't help but keep taking a long look at his friend to assure himself he was indeed doing better than a few moments ago. It was really unusual for him to faint just like that. Maybe he just exhausted himself lately, that and his lack of sleep. Yet, something was still all too weird about this. He seemed to be perfectly fine before he suddenly fell. He wasn't sure what this was all about, but something definitely seemed out of place. he didn't say so out loud, but he was seriously worried for his friend. 

They got back home without any more incidents, Cloud looking like nothing had ever happened to him. As strange as all this was, Aerith thought it would be wiser to let Cloud rest in peace, so they escorted her back to her house before spending the rest of the day together.

_________________________

Tifa was speaking with Barret and a little girl sat on his laps, both sat down behind the bar counter when Cloud walked in, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

He walked ahead and as he lowered his head, he held the flowers in front of Tifa's face, the lady dumbfounded by such an unexpected gesture.

"And for what occasion ?" she asked, amused now.

"To apologize for last time" he confessed, still looking at the floor instead of the beautiful brunette. "They are from Aerith's flower shop."

"  _"last time"_  ?" she sounded pretty unsure. Whatever had happened the day before, she clearly had forgotten about it.

"Yeah, I've been pretty childish when you were speaking about Zack, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh... Cloud, I already forgot about that. Besides, you were right."

"Still." He insisted.

"Alright, alright", she laughed as she took the bouquet in her hand, but instead of putting the colourful flowers in a vase, she called for the little kid who was burying her head in Barret's arm. The girl raised her head and looked at tifa, curiosity lighting up her eyes.

"Hey Marlene, those are for you, aren't they, Cloud ?" She looked intently at him to wordlessly let him understand he should give the flowers to the little girl instead of her. Cloud understood immediately, and held the bouquet towards the girl as he rubbed the back of his head, self-conscious. 

Marlene looked at him as if she didn't recognize the man even though she knew him since Tifa left her hometown to come to Midgar, two years ago. 

Much to their surprise, she asked a very curious question then.

"Who are you ? You're not Cloud, who are you ?"

Barret and Tifa exchanged a look of confusion and they both shrugged, completely lost by the girl's strange behaviour. Cloud, too, was shocked. He was at loss of words, Marlene had known him since she was two, how could she forget him like this ? This was all too strange.

"Marlene, I really am Cloud."

"You're not the Cloud I know." She insisted before a lightning flashed in her eyes as if suddenly, she could recognize the man standing in front of her.

"You're back." She said and everyone's confusion only increased at those curious words. 

Cloud in particular was extremely uncomfortable. What was happening ? First he was fainting with no specific reason, now Marlene didn't recognise him and was saying really unsettling words. 

The flowers he was still holding in front of him since she started speaking were then happily accepted by the little girl, but he was still lost in his thoughts, staring at her now that she was acting normally. He had a really bad feeling about this all. He wasn't sure exactly why, but a shiver ran up his spine the more he stirred all his thoughts in his mind.

He couldn't let all of this bothering him, though. It was a chance that Barret was present that day, for he had to discuss with him about a serious matter. He sat next to him and bent down a little bit to whisper to him, indicating Tifa to do the same by the same occasion.

"I have something to ask of you both..." He started, piquing Tifa and Barret's curiosity. 

He indicating them to bring their heads and ears near to his mouth so he could discreetly speak about what he had to tell them without being heard by the other patrons present in the bar. 

"Here's the thing..."

_________________________

It was a late evening when Cloud got back home the following day, and he was suprised to see that Zack hadn't left nor got ready for work yet. Instead, he was lazily sprawled on his couch, reading a magazine about bikes, sport cars and racing.

Cloud sat next to him and took a look behind his shoulder at the magazine. 

"What are you doing still here ?" He murmured. 

" 'Don't work today."

"Is that so ?" Cloud got closer to Zack.

"Yep."

There was a long silence, then Zack asked.

"Wanna watch a movie with me tonight ?"

"Sure. What do you want to watch ?"

"Something scary ?" Zack laughed. "Something romantic ?" He then wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, though Cloud could tell he was just joking and pushed his arms softly. 

"Don't do that." He grumbled, but that was more to hide a laugh in his voice than a true annoyance. His attempt to hide his amusement resulted in failure, though. 

"Alright, alright. So what about an action movie ?"

"Yeah, okay, sure." Cloud agreed. He didn't really care what kind of movie they were going to watch if he was honest. He just wanted to spend the evening with his friend.

Standing up, he went to get a movie and crouched in front of his television to take one of the old tapes that were not so neatly arranged as when Zack first moved in. As he did so, though, he was completely oblivious at the way his friend was staring at his butt when he had crouched down. 

Zack bit his lip. Cloud was not only still cute in some ways, he was now handsome and he cursed under his breath. He had not expected to fall again for the man, and was certain Cloud would never want to get back with him after what happened five years ago, the time he suddenly left him and Shin-Ra. Yet, he couldn't deny he had sincerely loved Cloud back then. It had been hard to leave him after they broke-up. If he had told Cloud his reasons back then, would he have left with him ? Would he have wanted to spy on the Company like he tried to the last few years ? There was no doubt about it, and despite his feeling of guiltiness for lying to him, it was comforting him in his decision to avoid telling him the truth, in some ways. But now... Now he wasn't sure what Cloud wanted to do, and after all he discovered, he was more than certain that it would be dangerous for him and everyone else involved in a way or another. He was starting to regret his decision to tell his friend the truth when this one sat back next to him after having started the movie. 

Both comfortably sat down on the sofa, they were more than aware of the presence of the other than interested in the movie. So scared to make a move that would betray their feelings that they were almost as solid as stone, and then it became not so comfortable to sit and stare at a television without really paying attention to the movie currently playing in front of them. 

It became all the more difficult for Zack when he felt Cloud slowly getting closer to him. The latter had finally decided to move to get a bit more comfortable than a piece of ice, and trying to actually pay attention to the movie to forget about the warm body he just got closer to. Which he found, in the end, really difficult to ignore anyway. 

They stayed like this for a while, until Cloud, started to doze off, finally letting go of all restrain and let his head fall on the shoulder of the other. Zack then went back to a statue himself. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about this new situation. His friend was starting to fall asleep on him and the sensible part of his mind was telling him to gently push him away and wake him up for him to switch from the sofa to a proper bed, but another part of his mind, a selfish one, was encouraging him to stay there. He really enjoyed Cloud getting so close to him like the good old days and if he listened to that small part inside of him, he would have more than enjoyed to let the man sleep on top of him. Zack however, was mostly a selfless man, so he opted for the first option and gently shook the other man's shoulder to awake him as softly as possible. It resulted in Cloud grabbing the tissue on his arm weakly, even though he could tell he was completely asleep now. 

Zack renewed his attempt reluctantly and Cloud finally awakened. He looked up at the other man with confusion, until realization dawned on him and he got away from his friend as if he just touched fire. 

"I'm sorry." he murmured, apologetically 

"Don't be," Zack reassured him, "but sleeping on an actual bed would probably be a lot more comfortable."

"I doubt it." Cloud said almost imperceptibly but it was caught in someone else's ear nonetheless.

He then quickly left the living-room to close his bedroom door behind him. His heart was racing as he took a last look behind his shoulder before doing so. He couldn't believe what he just did, and he sincerely hoped Zack wasn't going to be bothered by all this. He didn't want him to leave again, even if it was just leaving his apartment. He didn't want to lose him, not even as a friend. Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still looking for a beta-reader ; v ;


	7. Rivers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for editing so often the previous chapters ///

Zack was certain it wasn't his imagination, he had clearly heard Cloud whispering that his shoulder was more confortable than his bed the night before. He was trying to rationalize, telling himself that these words didn't mean anything, but it was hard to ignore them when he had been that happy to have Cloud sleeping on his shoulder. 

He had loved how warm and familiar the young man being so close to him had made him feel. It was a thrill he hadn't experienced in forever and quite frankly made him regret he hadn't let him into the secret back when he left Shin-Ra. They wouldn't have had to break-up at all if he had. 

He shook his head, though. He knew he had taken the wisest decision back then, he just hated that he didn't realize sooner how much Cloud had been important to him and how much he actually needed him in his life. Now more than ever, as he tried to fall asleep but couldn't let his mind free of his thoughts, he couldn't help but wish Cloud would give them a second try. He wasn't about to let go this time. He had no reason to. With a bit of luck, maybe his friend still had feelings for him, given what he had said before going to bed. He hoped so, at least. 

Zack didn't get much rest that night, he had been stirring all his regrets, thoughts and hopes all together for a good while before he could finally feel sleep coming. 

Cloud didn't sleep much himself, both for the same, and at the same time, very different reasons.  
He woke up with an heavy headache that morning. It felt as if he had just escaped from a long dream, from total darkness. He wasn't sure what this dream was, nor if he had dreamt at all, he just felt heavy inside, as if each of his limbs was carrying an invisible weight. He rubbed his eyes to try and push the unpleasant feeling and hurting away. 

The night before was still engraved in his mind and the thought of it helped him blow away the fog in his head instantly. If Zack hadn't said anything in response to his last words, he was pretty certain that he had heard them still. Now sat in his bed, he took his head in his hands. He needed a few minutes. Just a few minutes before confronting Zack again. He wasn't sure what he would say say or do the moment he would step outside of his bedroom. When things had finally got less awkward between them, it felt as if taking a step back and getting uneasy around the other again.

With a long sigh, he let his hands fall sluggishly by his sides and finally decided to leave his bedroom. He lazily dragged one foot after another from under the sheets and let the darkness escape the place when he drew the curtains open. 

Slowly opening his door, he cast a glance behind it. Zack was nowhere to be found, which was both a relief and disappointment. He had thought of an excuse all night for his behaviour from last night, and he felt as if it was now or never if he could get a chance to let this all out of his mind. He didn't want to carry the thought with him for the rest of the day. 

He took a few steps further in and let his eyes fall on the couch that was being used as a bed for his friend.

The man was sound asleep. Again, a sigh of relief and disappointment filled the air.

As usual, he took two mugs, one for he and one for Zack, and put them on the table, before he started making some coffee. As he sat down, waiting for the pot to get filled up by the hot drink, Hazel walked up to him and rubbed her head and back against his legs.

His coffee drunk down, Cloud was getting ready to leave, but before he did, he took a last look behind his shoulder, towards the sofa. 

Zack was still sleeping, deeply wrapped in slumber. He opened the door and before crossing the threshold, he told Hazel to take good care of the sleeper, and closed the door as quietly as possible behind him.

_________________________

When Cloud was done for the day, he immediately brought his bike to Tifa's bar. He was supposed to meet the barmaid, Aerith, Barret and Zack at six exactly to speak about Zack's discoveries. He had put both Tifa and Barret into the secret. After all, he trusted them with his life and was absolutely certain they would be a precious help if they were to attempt anything against Shin-Ra.

It was a relief for him that he was going to see Zack at a meeting with all their friends. It meant they would be too busy speaking about their plan and serious matters to make any allusions about what he said the night before.

Their meeting was supposed to be held under the bar, in a secret basement that Tifa had always used to hide customers from authorities when she knew them well enough. The place was indeed well hidden, so they wouldn't have to worry about eavesdropping. 

At half past five, Tifa closed the bar and when everyone arrived for the meeting, she pulled on one of the pinball machine's knobs, which transformed the game in a descending platform. Everyone got on the elevator and were brought in a small cellar fitted out in such way that they could speak quietly about whatever secrets Shin-Ra had in stocks for them. 

Zack had previously quickly mentioned to Cloud his spying techniques, and Barret, Tifa and Aerith had agreed to help them for a scouting mission. 

Zack had been a little reticent at first. All these years, he had been investigating alone. And even though Aerith was the only other person who knew about his comings and goings before, he didn't want to bring anyone in danger. He knew the risks of these scouting missions, and they were not to be taken lightly. Thus, he had been a lot more comfortable acting his own way. 

He had to admit, though, that one man, even as an Ex-SOLDIER, could not bring an entire company down just by himself. Especially when that same company was keeping an eye on him, narrowing his movements. Cloud had convinced him he needed a team. So there they were, all five of them discussing about the matter at hands. 

"So what's that all about again ?" Barret asked.

"For many years, Shin-Ra has sent his elite troups to eliminate everyone who knows about the experiments they practice in secret. I've been investigating these last five years, and discovered that they use their solar energy to draw mako from mako sources. You probably all know about this already, this is how they're able to produce materias. However, what all of you probably ignore, is that they also use the same mako to inject it in genetically modified and artificially created embryos, thus creating the monsters we nowadays see roaming all around the world. The worst being that sometimes, they use human embryos."

"That makes no sense, why would they do this, though ?" Tifa asked, confused.

"I still don't know the reason behind all this, but I've got two hypothesis. The first one, they want to make sure people trust them. They create the threat and then send their soldiers to eliminate it. People think they're safe thanks to Shin-Ra, the same company that provides them with electricity, which support its supremacy as the best and most powerful company all around the world. The second one is more believable, it's a question of population control. They send monsters with devices and weapons, and if some people try to rebel against them, they can eliminate them easily from far away, without even needing to send their army, so the death seem accidental instead of Shin-ra troops getting rid of thousands of innocent people for the thoughts and ideas going against Shin-Ra's policy."

Barret crossed his arms on his chest and grumbled.

"That's disgusting. I always knew somethin' was off with this company. My friend, Dyne, I never knew how he died, but that was after one of Shin-Ra's leaders came to our town. They said 't was an accident, I neva believ' them."

"So what do you plan on doing about that ?" Tifa asked again.

It was Cloud's turn to explain the mission he and Zack had agreed to do together.

"Zack knows some reliable friends inside of Shin-Ra that give him information, so he always know when it's safe to come and how to avoid danger. Next month, they're going to send their scientists with a group of SOLDIERS to Wutaï, for monster analysis. That gives us an opportunity. The surveillance in the laboratories will be less important than usual. We're going to infiltrate their main laboratory, search if we can find anything that could lead us to know what they are trying to do with those experiments, and collect samples. When we'll know enough, we'll hacked on their electrical communication to show the world what they have been doing. Under pressure, Shin-Ra won't have any other choice but stop their activities and pass the torch on to another, minor company."

"Are you sure this is going to work ? What if they threaten anyone trying to go against them with their army and monsters ?" Aerith was getting worried now.

"Yeah, well... about that... "

"We thought of creating a device to control their monsters and turn them against them. If they have one of those things themselves, we'll just have to steal it from them." Zack answered with confidence. 

"I know just the right person who can help us with that." Barret then said.

"Awesome! Cloud said you'd someone indeed."

It was decided then.

_________________________

Zack was scanning job offers in the newspaper when Cloud woke up that morning.

"Hi." He said with a sleepy voice.

"Hi, Choco' head." Zack answered without pulling his nose out of the papers and Cloud shook his head with exasperation. Though he couldn't hide a smile. It was so nice they could act the way they used to during their days in the military. He couldn't deny he loved it, more than anything, even when it meant Zack calling him by annoying nicknames.

Hazel ran in a whirlwind outside of his bedroom and jumped on Zack's laps immediately, meowing desperately to the man to get her breakfast. 

Zack smiled at the cat but quickly replaced the charming trait by a slight frown. He grumbled, though amused, now that she had decided that the newspaper was the most perfect hiding place and was burying herself under the thin pages before attacking those savagely. 

"Clouud," he whined, "tell your cat to stop attacking the news, I'm trying to find a job here !"

He laughed though, obviously entertained by the situation rather than angry at the cat. And despite his whining, he even encouraged her by shoving one of his hands under the paper and creating small tempting bumps for Hazel to jump on, with her claws out.

Cloud hid a smile behind his hand, as the weeks passed, he had found absolutely endearing the way the man and his cat were behaving around each other. Zack had really won a friend there. He let the two bickering friendly and took a packet of biscuits outside of a cupboard to fill the cat's empty bowl with them. 

The noise they made as they fell loudly in the dish tolled the newspaper's freedom, and Zack could get back to his initial activity. Or so he tried. The paper was now too torn and crumpled to even being able to read anything anymore. With a short sigh, Zack tried to close the paper as well as he could and stood up.

"Gonna take a shower, see you in a bit." He informed his roommate.

Cloud only nodded. He took a mug for himself and poured coffee in it. As he did, he remembered that night, a few weeks ago, when he had fell asleep on Zack's shoulder. None of them had said a word about it nor his words since then. Even though they were often watching movies together now, such things didn't happen again, and just like the morning after that night, he found himself both relieved and disappointed. He thought Zack would have make a comment on this, but it seemed the man had forgotten all about this. In a way, Cloud was starting to think that it was probably because he didn't care one bit about this. He hadn't been bothered either. Zack was never bothered by these kind of things. But nothing could tell him what he had been thinking after the words he had whispered that night. Maybe he had just imagined it all and never said anything in the first place. Or maybe Zack hadn't heard him after all. He couldn't tell. 

The noise of the water falling from behind the bathroom's door eventually vanished, but when it took usually a few more minutes before he could hear the door opening, this time, it opened right away after the shower stopped running.

Surprised, Cloud turned around, only to come face to face with a nearly naked Zack. The man had a towel around his waist and rivers of small drops were running down from his hair to his bare chest. 

"Forgot to bring clean clothes with me." He simply explained. But much to his dismay, Cloud was speechless. Voiceless and gaping like a carp. A red carp, since his body was really hot from what he could tell. 

He gulped loudly, trying to retrieve his composure. 

Needless to say, Zack was extremely hot looking. Strands of wet hair were falling on his neck and his chest and he had to run a hand in the ones that were falling in front of his eyes to throw them back in place. His chest was ripped and small black stubble hairs were disappearing behind his towel between his hips. 

If Cloud had dared, he would have ran a tongue on his lips, for they felt so dry. But he was too self-conscious to do so, which didn't prevent him from staring nonetheless. 

Zack became aware of Cloud insistent look on him and he smirked. 

"Whatcha looking at ?" He joked. 

Cloud shook his head as he snapped out of his rapt state. He rubbed his neck, uneasy. 

"Well, you do have a nice body." He confessed, honestly.

Zack got closer then, maybe too close, and threw a wet arm around Cloud's shoulder, bringing him near to said nice body, drops falling from his hair directly on Cloud's forehead and neck.

"Jealous much ?" He teased.

"Yeah..." Cloud breathed, again being honest with his feelings. 

It wasn't a lie, he truly was jealous of Zack's body. Jealous and subjugated by it. 

Sensing Cloud's serious and almost gloomy tone, Zack stopped teasing and freed Cloud from his grip. 

"Look what you've done", Cloud laughed though, "I'm wet too now."

He wiped his forehead with his wrist and indicated his hair to the man, blaming the latter for how damp it had become. 

"Looks like you're good for a shower as well." Zack retrieved his good mood the moment he heard his friend's lovely laugh, and pushed him with both hands towards the bathroom door, still opened. 

"Go get your clothes, I swear to Odin !" Cloud laughed again, popping his head out from behind the bathroom door as he shooed the man away. 

Once he had closed the door behind him though, he let out a long sigh. He knew it already, but with each passing day spent with his new roommate, he was being reminded just how crazy in love he was with this man.

_________________________

New day, new problems for the young man. His headaches were not dissipating, if anything, they were becoming more frequent and more painful. Cloud didn't know what to do about it, and he didn't want to speak about it with anyone. He didn't want his friends to worry about him, especially not Zack.

However, it was a difficult thing to hide from your roommate when these were affecting him that much and when the pain was that hard. On that day more specifically, the pain had been so strong that he fell as he was leaving his bedroom. His hand tried desperately to stay clung at the handle, but his body felt so heavy and his legs so weak, it didn't prevent him from collapsing with a loud « boom » on the floor. 

As one's eyes closed, the other's flickered open instantly upon hearing the loud sound. 

Zack jumped on his feet and got to Cloud's side as quick as one can get. He crouched next to him, a hand on the man's shoulder as he called for him, worry apparent in his voice.

When Cloud finally regained consciousness, he instinctively brought a hand to his forehead and groaned. 

"Cloud, are you okay ?"

"Yeah, don't worry." Cloud looked away, ashamed this had to happen in the presence of his friend.

Zack took away the hand pressed against his forehead and brought his own instead. He gently laid it on the damp skin and took a few minutes to get an idea of the temperature of his body. 

"How can you tell me not to worry..." He whispered, "this already happened in the past... You may be sick, we should bring you to a doctor. Tell me this didn't happen again since last time..."

Cloud kept looking away, silent. This was already an answer in itself, enough for Zack to understand that it did happen again. Just how many times, though ? It really was a bad habit of Cloud to keep these things for himself instead of speaking about it, but he knew that no matter how many times he could tell him not to do that, Cloud wouldn't change anyway. 

"Please don't worry, I'm fine... " He breathed again.

"No, you're not."

"I'm not sick." He insisted.

Zack didn't find anything strange about his friend's body temperature, but it wasn't Cloud's words that were going to convince him. It really was a hassle to make Cloud think any differently. The man was so stubborn, if he decided something was how he thought it was, there was no changing his mind. 

Zack sighed heavily. He didn't want to drop the subject nor let go of the shoulder he was holding. Cloud however pushed his hand aside and stood up, turning his back to him, his own way to tell him he didn't want to speak about this all anymore. 

Zack shook his head, helpless. If anything, he was going to keep an eye on the man, just to be sure he would be there if these blackouts happened again.

He stood up himself and as he sat down at the kitchen table, he put his chin in his hands. Cloud had well chosen his day to faint. Just when he had good news for him, this really was bad luck... And if his news were probably good for his friend and he, he couldn't help but feel cheerless about those somehow.  
Without further ado and hoping Cloud would not faint again while he spoke, he announced them.

"Cloud, I have something to tell you..."

"Yeah ? What ?" Cloud was still giving him his back, facing away while he was making coffee for both of them.

"I found a job. A real one. Something that pays well enough that I can leave soon at least."

Cloud stopped moving, but stayed silent. Something Zack had not expected. He thought the news would be good ones for his friend. Finally he was leaving, and wasn't going to depend on him, wouldn't that at least make him answer something ? But Cloud didn't say a word, and he kept being silent as his hands started moving again. 

Zack scratched the back of his head. Once more, he had no idea what his friend was thinking. He, on the other hand, was relieved that he had finally found something. The thing was, his job was going to make him commute between the fields and Midgar pretty often, and each time he would have to stay quite a while in both places, which meant that he wasn't going to see Cloud as often as when he was living with him. And that was something that made his feelings swing between delighted and downright mopish. 

"I'm going to take care of chocobos, at the Chocobos Farm, in the fields far in the east. Then I'll sell them for chocobo riders in Midgar and the Gold Saucer, for racing. So I won't be that often in Midgar." He explained.

This time, Cloud dropped the pot he was holding, both spilling coffee on the floor and scaring his cat that was quietly eating next to him. He finally faced him again, shock all over his face.

"What about our mission ?" This was the only thing he could think to say, he was too shocked, his mind plain blank. If it wasn't, it would probably have screamed to say _don't go_ at the man.

"Our mission is still on the agenda, I'm starting at the beginning of January."

Cloud fell back in his mutism. He just didn't know what to tell, he was still in a state of shock. Even though he knew this day would come, he had just hoped it didn't come so soon-though _"soon"_ was a relative word-and certainly not that Zack would have found one outside of Midgar.

It was on this odd silence that Cloud left the apartment, leaving Zack as confused as ever and quite troubled by his friend's reaction.

_________________________

The day of the mission finally came and the small team gathered together in Tifa's basement again. This time around, Barret had brought with him his good friends. Biggs, Wedge and Jessy were ready to assist them in all kind of situations.

In the core of Midgar's downtown, there was only two ways to circulate. The first one was to take the train, the second one was to walk. In order to get to the downtown where the main offices and the laboratories of the Shin-Ra Company sat, the group needed to take a train that would lead them at the entrance of the building. Once there, Zack was supposed to lead them by taking the less guarded paths and hidden shortcuts. 

Zack had unfolded a map on which he had circled the place they had to reach and crossed all the paths they had to avoid in order to not get spotted by the guards. If they were to get separated from each other, everyone had to keep a copy of the map with themselves and get out of the building as fast as possible. 

Folding up his map again, Zack put his copy in the inside pocket of his vest and indicated to follow him with a hand gesture.

They got in the train that was going to lead them to the Shin-Ra building and patiently waited until the next stop. _"Patiently"_ excepted for Zack who couldn't stop moving, restless as he was.

Cloud kept tugging on his sweatshirt to put him back on his seat, but unable to stay sat for more than five minutes, he soon was standing up again, pacing and doing squats in the train. The next stop couldn't come fast enough. 

"You're bothering the passengers and bringing attention to us, please sit down and stay sat." Cloud begged in a whisper.

"Ah man, I can't help it. I just wish I could get out of this train already !" Zack whispered in turn.

"Damn it Zack, you're going to get us in trouble." 

"No, I know what I'm doing. But we're definitely going to get in trouble if we keep whispering to each other. Now that is shady."

Cloud rolled his eyes. The man had an answer to everything.

"You didn't change at all, " he laughed, "you need action or you're miserable."

"Exactly !"

When they finally got to the stop, Zack ran out of the train in a whirlwind and indicated everyone to follow him with a hand gesture.

He led them to the entrance of Shin-Ra's offices, but instead of going through the main door, he pointed at a small entrance on the side of the building. It was a chance the man knew the place like the back of his hand and knew exactly where they had to go so they could avoid being spotted by Shin-Ra guards.

There were stairs behind the small door on the side. Hundreds and hundreds of stairs, it was like a neverending ascension towards the high floors of the place. It was their only option, though, if they didn't want to bring any attention to them. The stairs were the only place that was never guarded, except for the door they were leading to.

Halfway through the climb, Barret started complaining. There was no end to this long torture he said. And unfortunately for everyone else, not only was he right, but he also kept complaining all the way from that point. 

They finally reached the end of the staircase and everyone took a good minute to catch their breath. Barret even longer for he spoke so much as he climbed. 

So far, their mission was going perfectly as planned. Luck wasn't on their side, though, and as soon as they eliminated the two guards standing by the door, an alarm went off. They had to run to reach the elevator that was supposed to bring them higher, to the floor where were the laboratories, but Zack and Cloud, who were watching everyone's back, didn't reach the elevator in time. That one lifted instantly, and the two men now had to face a dozen of infantry men running towards them. 

Cloud pulled out his sword from behind his back and threw his spare blade to Zack. They were ready to fight.


End file.
